LMAO sounds like me when i was a kid

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by redneck69, Apr 20, 2011.

  1. redneck69

    redneck69 Smoking Fanatic

    Little Bow Hunter

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits.  Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow.  Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?  Tough sumbich.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.  One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard.  I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in my head.  I grabbed the can and set it on the stump.  I thought that it would

    probably just spray out in a disappointing manner.  Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles).

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder.  My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me.  No biggie, a 1 lb. Pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?  You know what?  Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can.

    Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too.  Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow.  I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim.  As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow.  In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck...OH SHIT!  He just got home from work.  So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can.  My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes.  I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom.  Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can.

    Oh #$%#!!!.

    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet.  I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound.  I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see.  It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.

    The daylight turned purple.  Let me repeat this...  THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

    There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice

    I said "was".  That son-of-a-bitch got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback:


    His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway.  All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.  There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment.  I don't know - I know I said something.  I couldn't hear.  I couldn't hear inside my own head.  I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on.  I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later.  I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.  I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring Him back to life so I can kill him again".  Thanks Mom.

    One thing is for sure...  I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

    Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later.  I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.  It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

    i have a sick and twisted sense of humor and i couldn't stop laughing at this...
  2. rbranstner

    rbranstner Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Sounds  about right. haha
  3. [​IMG]
  4. justpassingthru

    justpassingthru Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Hey Redneck, I know what you mean, thanks for the laugh and childhood memories!!!

    When I was 12 years old the family took a trip across the States, one thing really blew my mind, the Boy Scouts were selling Fireworks along side of the road in a wheat field, bought some fire crackers and later we stopped at the Platte River and I proceeded to blow beer cans to smithereens. When I got back home I told my best friend about it, ...did you know that Drano and some tinfoil mixed in water in a large Coke bottle produces hydrogen gas, I didn't, cool..., now what do we do with the gas?  Put a large balloon over the neck and when it's full tie a piece of gas soaked thread to it and lit it rise, holding the end with some pliers and light it, the flame moves up the thread to the balloon (in slow motion, like he said)..., I've seen that purple light, ...thankfully my mom stood between me and my dad!

    Thanks again for the laugh.

  5. justpassingthru

    justpassingthru Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Double post, our server is running way over max and it disconnects frequently, sorry 'bout that.

    Last edited: Apr 20, 2011
  6. beer-b-q

    beer-b-q Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Laughed so hard I cried...
  7. venture

    venture Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Reminds me of coke bottles full of gasoline planted in red ant hills.  Or sometimes just a firecracker.  I still hate red ants! Fortunately we have very few here, but that kinda takes the fun out of it too.  I would probably still do it and land myself in jail!

    Good luck and good smoking!
  8. meateater

    meateater Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    I plead the fifth!!!   [​IMG]
  9. fife

    fife Master of the Pit

    I dont know who did it sure was not me Dad must have came up at the right time to scare them off and they put the bow in the boys hand. YEA THATS IT .
  10. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    LOL... ah sweet memories. [​IMG]  I never did blow up a stump, but black powder and firecrackers all wrapped up with duct tape will blow the hell out of a red ant hill [​IMG]

    Hey Gene.... put a lye based drain cleaner and some tinfoil balls into a 2 liter plastic soda bottle, put the lid on, and stand back. It will eventually explode with a sound similar to a M80.
  11. redneck69

    redneck69 Smoking Fanatic

    black powder, powdered creamer, electronic match and an old tin coffee can makes for a huge fireball/mushroom cloud [​IMG]
  12. alaskanbear

    alaskanbear Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

  13. stwallace

    stwallace Fire Starter

    Hahaha thats too funny.  Im afraid to post some of the things i've done, but it brings back memories.  Some not that long ago in another country.

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