# The Hardest Day of my Life



## BeefBadger (Jul 27, 2020)

TLTR – The grill master is not the easy, glamourous BBQ job that everyone thinks it is. If you are hosting a cookout, more work goes into it than you think. Before leaving, ALWAYS tell the cook you enjoyed the food, that makes the whole day worth it.



This is a post that will probably hit a very specific nerve with a lot of men between the ages of 28-55. A little back story, I am 30 years old, and began washing dishes at a local country club when I was 16. I had that job throughout high school and college to make some extra beer and gas money. One day, when I was 17, the line cook went on a coke fuel bender and never showed up for his shift. I was promoted from dishwasher to fryolator worker that day, and that is when I fell in love with cooking. I love to cook all types of food. Last year the wife and I moved into our home in the suburbs, and for my 30th birthday, she bought me a smoker. This summer, I have been obsessed with smoking meats, and have been working on perfecting the perfect brisket.

This weekend we decided to have a social distance cook out for a group of our close friends and family. The night before, I went to the butcher and picked up a 9lb pork shoulder, two racks of ribs, two full chickens, and one pescatarian guest requested a piece of salmon. I brought the meat home after picking out each specific cut, trimmed up the pork, seasoned it, wrapped it in butcher paper and put it in the fridge overnight. I cleaned the rest of the house, got my things set up for the morning, and went to bed around midnight.

My alarm went off at 6am on the day of the cookout. I jumped out of bed and went straight to the backyard. I fired up the smoker and let it climb to 225. In the meantime, I took the pork out of the fridge, and seasoned the ribs (one with a honey and applewood seasoning and one with a traditional bbq seasoning) and I also seasoned the chicken too. The pork went on the smoker at 6:45am. I let the bark build until about 9am. At 9am, I spritz the pork with an apple juice/water combo, and did so every 45 minutes for the next few hours until it reached an internal temp of 168. It hit this temp around 12, at which point I pulled the pork, spritz it, mopped it with a BBQ sauce, wrapped it in butcher paper, and put it back on the smoker.

At this time, the ribs went onto the smoker. I went with the 3, 2, 1 method, so I let the ribs cook for 3 hours, mopping them as needed. I then pulled them, and did a brown sugar/margarine base for the honey applewood ribs. And I did a BBQ sauce for the other rack. I wrapped them in butcher paper, and back on the smoker for 2 hours. After 2 hours, I pull them out of the butcher paper and back on the smoker for the last hour.

When I put the ribs on the smoker, I made my salmon marinade. I used a soy/honey/garlic/red pepper flake marinade. I poured it on and let the salmon sit for about 4 hours in the marinade. I also began soaking my cedar plank at this time. Around 2pm I put the chicken on a beer can and put it in the smoker, mopping it with BBQ sauce along the way. Around 330pm I put the cedar plank onto the smoker to warm up, and then cooked the salmon on it for about 90 minutes.

The pork was done at 4pm, and rested for 1.5 hrs in my yeti wrapped in towels. The ribs finished at 430 and rested for 30 min. The chicken finished around 430pm and the salmon finished right at 5. The cooking started at 6am, and everything finished right at the perfect dinner time that I aimed for.

While I was cooking the meat throughout the day, I also needed to get the yard ready for guests. I mowed and weed wacked my entire yard the morning of the cookout. I refilled all my tiki torches with citronella fluid, I cleaned all of our yard furniture, I filled the fire pit with wood and I did a mosquito fog around my wood line to try to help keep the bugs at bay. I am in the Northeast, and this Saturday was 92 degrees and straight sun. So, needless to say, I spent the day DRENCHED in sweat.

Everything was on pace and going great. Around 3pm, although already exhausted, I jumped in a quick shower. I freshened up as our guest started to arrive. I set up our lawn tent for shade, put the hors d’oeurves on some serving trays and set up an appetizer station.

Now, let me stress, up until this point I was good. What I love about cooking putting in all the hard work and having people enjoy it. It makes it worth it. And I know what I signed up for when I volunteered to host, and I know how much work smoking is if you want to do it the right way. At this time, all was good, and I cracked my first beer of the day.

Fast forward to 5pm, dinner time. Now I have been sweating, running around, already changed into my 2nd shirt, and only had 1 beer. My guests have been lounging, but have been drinking at a very furious rate. Now let me be clear, if I wasn’t the one in charge of the food, I would have been the one leading the pace. With that said, the difference is, I know how much work goes into cooking for a group, so I would never give the grill guy anything but complements.

This is when my day changed. Up until now, I was EXHAUSTED. I weighed myself the next morning, I lost 4lbs that day, I think mostly to sweat. But I was happy, ecstatic even bc the food had gone well, nothing burned, nothing stalled on me, everything came out the way I wanted it and one time. That quickly changed.

As I watched people begin to eat, it was like a knife being stabbed in my heart. Let me preface this by saying, the majority of these people said they did not like BBQ that much, but all wanted me to make it bc they still “liked it, it just isn’t their favorite thing”. None of the guest told me it was bad, and maybe this is me overreacting, but I could tell by people’s reactions, and their “tips for making it better next time” (which were things like there was to much bark on the pork or the smoke ring penetrated to far. Complaints that literally are the opposite of what you want with good bbq).

Now, if for some reason you are still reading this, you probably are wondering why I care. I know it tasted good. I know all the flavor I used. I know the cuts of meat I hand picked. I know the pellet combo I used to get the perfect smoke flavor. I know it came out phenomenal, so why let people who don’t really like BBQ get to you so much. For reference, I am your typical 30 year old, suburban American man. I like to smoke meats, woodwork, play sports, workout, the typical guy. I also hold myself to a certain standard. I want everything I do to be perfect, and I want to be the best. I also want to be a strong man for my wife and our child. I want to teach my son how to be a strong man, like men used to be, and not a soy boy cry baby.

BUT – after it was all said and done, and all the guests left the cookout. I cleaned the backyard, put the fire out, took out the trash, broke down the tables and chairs, did the dishes and cleaned my smoker. It was about 930pm, and dark out. I was caked in multiple layers of dried sweat, and I stood under a cold shower, exhausted.

And at this moment, it was the closest I had ever been to crying in as long as I could remember. I actually found a tear starting to form until I caught myself. It was a feeling I had never felt before.

For the first time in my 30years, I put so much effort into something. So much hard work. So much sweat. So much research and hope and optimism. All to see none of it be appreciated. People came, they drank, they had fun, they somewhat liked the food but had plenty of things to say about it, and then they left. None of them knowing how crushed I was at the end of the day.

With all this being said – I’ve come to two conclusions.


I have a new born baby. I could not be more excited to be a dad. But I have this really troubling feeling that this is what the next 30 years of my life will be. Me, the man of the family, needing to be strong and hold things together for everyone, putting my all into things, just to have people not appreciate it. Maybe this is me looking back at all the times I took my parents for granite, and wondering if this is how my dad ever felt.
This is an easier, more straightforward rule that I will always live my life by now. No matter what, anytime I go to someone’s house, as always, I will try to brings things and help clean up etc. But moving forward, I will NEVER leave without seeking out the person who cooked, shaking their hand, looking them dead in the eyes, and telling them how much I enjoyed their food, even if it sucked. If one person had done that to me, it would have made the whole day worth it.


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## BigW. (Jul 27, 2020)

Welcome to the site and congrats on the new baby!  I say you nailed the cook.  Several meats and all done when needed.  That is impressive.   You handled the day well.  Too much smoke ring guy would have been quickly removed from my back yard.  My only advice is do what makes you and your immediate family happy.  Let the other stuff slide off your back.


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## phatbac (Jul 27, 2020)

Congrats on the new baby and make bbq the way you like it.. enjoy your hobby dont let anyone tear you down about it.

Happy Smoking,
phatbac (Aaron)


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## JLeonard (Jul 27, 2020)

My folks taught me a long time ago that when someone hosted and fed you, even if it was just a bologna sammich you thanked them for feeding you and you didnt complain. If it was a get together like you set up, clean up and set up  assistance was almost expected. Todays society just isnt geared to be that way anymore. It may just have been the folks you hosted.


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## Brokenhandle (Jul 27, 2020)

Sounds like you did an awesome job! Some people are just rude and hard to please, ask anyone in the restaurant business.  Don't let it get to you.  Congrats on the new baby! Sounds like you have your head screwed on straight,  you'll do fine...think we all have fears of being a new parent,  we all make mistakes along the way but raise them right and it will  be ok.

Keep on smoking!

Ryan


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## jfsjazz (Jul 27, 2020)

Brokenhandle said:


> Sounds like you did an awesome job! Some people are just rude and hard to please, ask anyone in the restaurant business.  Don't let it get to you.  Congrats on the new baby! Sounds like you have your head screwed on straight,  you'll do fine...think we all have fears of being a new parent,  we all make mistakes along the way but raise them right and it will  be ok.
> 
> Keep on smoking!
> 
> Ryan


Hey brother, this happens all the time and they will keep coming back, if invited.  My bet is you did  an awesome job!!! Sounds like you are already a  GREAT Dad too!

BTW, one of my themes in life as a husband, father and grandfather is "expect nothing and you will never be disappointed".  It has served me well - keeps me calm, especially in situations like you just described!!!


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## SmokinAl (Jul 27, 2020)

First if all, welcome to SMF!
In my opinion you did a phenomenal job on setting up a perfect party atmosphere.
It sounds like you nailed the Q as well. Having everything ready at the same time is something to be proud of & very hard to do. I also agree with you that when I eat at a friends house ( which I don’t do very often cause most of them can’t cook for crap ), I always compliment them on the food they cooked, even if it sucked. And we always help with the cleanup. Personally I would never go to that kind of trouble for those folks again. If they are good friends, just cook them some burgers & hot dogs, and get sh$3 faced drunk with them. I think we have all been in similar situations. My Grandson doesn’t like my ribs no matter how I cook them for him, he would rather have his ribs boiled then slathered with BBQ sauce & grilled. So that’s what we do when he comes. All the flavor is in the water that goes down the drain. Don’t beat yourself up over this. It sounds to me like you just need some new friends!
Al


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## JLeonard (Jul 27, 2020)

And personally, I'd have to reevaluate how close of friends and family they were.


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## JC in GB (Jul 27, 2020)

I have come to find out, to my shock and disappointment that some people simply don't appreciate expertly prepared food.  They are just as happy with a cold Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich as they are with a $400 filet mignon.  It gets frustrating when someone doesn't even acknowledge all the hard work you put into something.  It would be different if a fellow pit master was critiquing your Q as they would likely have technical tips that would actually be useful.   Congrats on the new baby and here's to a happy and healthy childhood for your little one.

If you don't mind, I would like to share a similar story just to show you are not alone and there are a lot of ingrates out there.

My next door neighbor had an issue that required her to clean and rearrange much of her back yard.  I had recently completed my wood fired stone oven and she has expressed interest in me making a pizza for her out of the oven.  Being an avid cook, I thought it was a smashing idea.

She planned a yard clean up day and invited several of her friends over.  I told her that I would make pizzas for everyone of her work group as a neighborly gesture to help out.  It takes about 3 hours to get my oven up to temp.

I made the dough and sauce the night before.  Got all the ingredients prepped and was all ready to go.

The next day, the work crew arrived and I started my oven.  

Two hours into me firing my oven, a delivery pizza guy shows up at the neighbors house.  I asked them what are you guys doing?  I am getting ready to make you pizzas in a bit as soon as the oven is hot.  I was pretty miffed at that to begin with  but I thought that maybe they were really hungry and were going to eat again when I was ready.  Nope.

I started cooking pizzas and told them to come and get some.  Every single one turned me down and now I had pizza for 8 people and only myself to feed.  I almost launched hot pizzas over the fence at them I was so angry.

I ended up having to throw some pizzas and ingredients away which really set me off as I hate to waste things.

Such ingratitude can never be forgotten.  The people in that group will never get anything from my kitchen again, EVER!

One thing that helps is cook for yourself.  It may sound selfish but if you know you did a great job the opinion of a Dunning-Kruger candidate in BBQ shouldn't phase you.  I know when and how I screwed up even if folks are raving about the item.

Thanks for reading.

JC


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## BeefBadger (Jul 27, 2020)

Thanks Guys! Happy to share my smoking success and failures here moving forward. Thanks for the feedback, usually i take these feelings, bottle them, and push them down as deep as i possibly can, like im sure the majority of us do, where someday it will eventually explode on some poor person, who was probably just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or ill be dead of a heart attack by 40...


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## adam15 (Jul 27, 2020)

Sounds like you did a great job and don’t let them break your spirits. I have only been smoking meats a few years but near the beginning I smoked a couple of butts for some friends. Everyone seemed to at least tell me they really enjoyed it except 1 guy. Needless to say the next time I got the group together to cook things I handed him a pack of hot dogs when he walked in and said he could use the grill whenever he was hungry.   After that he got the point that a few kind words go a long way. Keep on smoking!


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## sawhorseray (Jul 27, 2020)

SmokinAl said:


> Don’t beat yourself up over this. It sounds to me like you just need some new friends! Al




I'd say that pretty much sums things up! RAY


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## JC in GB (Jul 27, 2020)

adam15 said:


> Sounds like you did a great job and don’t let them break your spirits. I have only been smoking meats a few years but near the beginning I smoked a couple of butts for some friends. Everyone seemed to at least tell me they really enjoyed it except 1 guy. Needless to say the next time I got the group together to cook things I handed him a pack of hot dogs when he walked in and said he could use the grill whenever he was hungry.   After that he got the point that a few kind words go a long way. Keep on smoking!



I am going to steal your pack of hot dogs idea..   Brilliant!


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## TNJAKE (Jul 27, 2020)

BigW. said:


> Too much smoke ring guy would have been quickly removed from my back yard.


Should have throat punched that guy. Congrats on the baby and cooking some good grub. Don't give up


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## BB-que (Jul 27, 2020)

Agree with the others, definitely the throat punch comment.  Look at the bright side, if that was the worst day of your life, you’ve had an extremely blessed life.  Keep Smokin


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## R Blum (Jul 27, 2020)

I got a good little story about my neighbors, not a BBQ story put a kick in the ass anyways. The family was supposedly having a hard time and the wife told us that they had nothing in their refrigerator . My wife and I felt so bad we went to the grocery store and bought them a bunch of groceries. Nothing great just all the staples, milk, eggs, lunch meat (baloney) bread ect. We took it to them and the woman had the gall to say " oh John doesn't like baloney so we gave it to the dog". No that's not the end of the story. About 2 or 3 weeks later she was telling us that her and her husband went up to Traverse City Michigan for a  wine tasting trip. She said it only cost them $700. I told my wife I would have felt better it John would have just kicked me in the balls.


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## daspyknows (Jul 27, 2020)

Congrats on the little one.  People really suck sometimes.  Sounds like you cooked a feast and if they didn't like it that is on them.  Too much of a smoke ring, now I have heard everything.  Not sure I would cook for that group again, they are not worthy.


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## SmokinVOLfan (Jul 27, 2020)

Very well said man. Don't let some D-bags get you down after you busted your ass. There are just some rude unappreciative people out there who were brought up to think that's ok. I mean come on...too much smoke ring? And then no one stays to help clean up? Probably the type of people who drank all your beer too and then bitched because there wasn't more in the fridge even though they brought nothing. Keep on smoking man and congrats on the newborn!


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## Smokin' in AZ (Jul 27, 2020)

Congrats on the new edition to the family!

And also for what sounds like a kick ass cookout.

Don't let them get to you, personally I would not invite them over again or if you do, as said earlier just do hot dogs and burgers, and kick back.

John


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## JC in GB (Jul 27, 2020)

Smokin' in AZ said:


> Congrats on the new edition to the family!
> 
> And also for what sounds like a kick ass cookout.
> 
> ...




I agree with John. Invite them back and serve skinless wieners with cheap chips on a paper plate with no condiments.  That should send the message.

JC


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## Brokenhandle (Jul 27, 2020)

JC in GB said:


> I agree with John. Invite them back and serve skinless wieners with cheap chips on a paper plate with no condiments.  That should send the message.
> 
> JC


And some cheap ass beer...that didn't get put in the cooler!   

Ryan


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## noboundaries (Jul 27, 2020)

Welcome to SMF! Congrats on the new baby and having such a thoughtful heart to go to so much effort for close family and friends. It was a reflection I enjoyed reading.

I would have been equally devastated if people failed to appreciate the effort I put into something like you did. But, it has happened to me a few times, especially if the focus of the gathering is a celebration for someone else.

I'm not in an area where people recognize good BBQ (California). If they taste smoke, and it is overcooked to the point that it practically dissolves in the mouth, they believe it is magical. That's how I smoke for groups when manning my pit, then it doesn't matter who the celebration is for. Lessons can be painful, but valuable.


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## SmokinVOLfan (Jul 27, 2020)

Brokenhandle said:


> And some cheap ass beer...that didn't get put in the cooler!
> 
> Ryan



Nah man cheap ass beer is too good. For people that don't appreciate smoke rings they get 40's.


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## BandCollector (Jul 27, 2020)

What a bunch of ingrates!

Personally and frankly. . .I would start looking for new friends!  

If indeed that is what they purport to be!

John


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## Winterrider (Jul 27, 2020)

Sounds like you went way above and beyond to make everything right. It is frustrating to not even get a compliment or some recognition.
I have always been to scared to make a cook like that and have it all work out. I'm kinda old school, just a couple things at a time for me.
I have always been one to help cleanup, whether it is helping with dishes or just taking the trash out. My way of saying thank you.
As Al mentioned,  if it's something you enjoy doing try a different bunch of friends or just family. They would love it . . .


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## MJB05615 (Jul 27, 2020)

True what everyone said.  You know it was good, you truly enjoy doing it, right?  Then keep it going.
Never let anyone's lack of enthusiasm keep you from doing what YOU love.  Been there, done that.
Sounds like your instincts about Life, etc are right on.  Congrats on the addition to your Family.
Always go with your gut instincts, it'll work out more often than not.

Mike


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## GaryHibbert (Jul 27, 2020)

Sounds like a GREAT BBQ to me!!  But where's the pics??  And to have that many meats actually done on time for the meal is quite amazing.  I have not once in my life had the Q ready at supper time--took a long time, but my wife has finally accepted that as a fact of life.
While I was growing up, if we were guests for dinner somewhere, and didn't thank the host/hostess for a delicious meal, or help in the clean up, the backhand to the head from my Dad would have ensured better manners the next time.
I'm guessing that from your age most or all of these guests were millennials.  In this *Old Man's* view, people in that age group are generally  self centered and lacking in basic manners.  So just let it be like water off a duck's back.  And, if it were me, they would never be invited again.
Gary


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## chopsaw (Jul 27, 2020)

JC in GB said:


> Invite them back and serve skinless wieners with cheap chips


Sad fact is , if people eat like that , and alot of them do . That's what they think is good . 
I hate eating at my sisters house . They all think the food is fantastic . It's terrible . 
I'm the type that won't say it was good if it wasn't . 



GaryHibbert said:


> I'm guessing that from your age most or all of these guests were millennials. In this *Old Man's* view, people in that age group are generally self centered and lacking in basic manners.


Well mine aren't either one of those , but they sure get their feelings hurt easy .


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## 2Mac (Jul 27, 2020)

That is probably the best thread I’ve ever read on here. Congratulations on the new addition to your family. Everything that needs to be said about your experience has already been said by others and quite well I might add. I have done some multiple meat smokes including salmon and that is not easy. Good work. Keep it up


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## JCAP (Jul 27, 2020)

Echo what everyone is saying. That sounds like a great cook to hit everything being done on time. Plus accommodating the pescatarian. Surprisingly my immediate family is the same way- their food is very subpar (the stuff I grew up eating) and when they come here I crank out some good grub. But no one ever comments. It stopped bothering me but makes my wife furious. Her family, luckily, loves the good food. 

Congrats on the newborn. You have a little while to accumulate all the  grill/smoking knowledge you can to start passing it down!


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## Buckeye1 (Jul 28, 2020)

Wow is all I can say. Sounds like a small catering job that was well done. You sound like a good  family man and great cook!


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## bbqbrett (Jul 29, 2020)

Little late to the thread here.  First off congrats on the new child!  I have never had that big of a get together to compare with but sounds like you had a lot of people forgetting their manners.

For the people who really don't like BBQ that much not a lot you can do.  But if you can remember who said they didn't like the way you cooked it or told you a different way to make the food here is an alternative you might try.

Invite them over not as a big group but just one at a time.  Tell them you were really interested in how they would cook the food and would love to see how they would do it.  Then invite them over to use your rig so they can show you in person.   If they don't take you up on it you can figure they probably got the point.  If they do take you up on it you can see if they actually know anything about BBQ or not, get to eat without having to cook and then get the chance to critique them.  If multiple people take you up on the offer...score for you on free food!


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## JC in GB (Jul 29, 2020)

bbqbrett said:


> Little late to the thread here.  First off congrats on the new child!  I have never had that big of a get together to compare with but sounds like you had a lot of people forgetting their manners.
> 
> For the people who really don't like BBQ that much not a lot you can do.  But if you can remember who said they didn't like the way you cooked it or told you a different way to make the food here is an alternative you might try.
> 
> Invite them over not as a big group but just one at a time.  Tell them you were really interested in how they would cook the food and would love to see how they would do it.  Then invite them over to use your rig so they can show you in person.   If they don't take you up on it you can figure they probably got the point.  If they do take you up on it you can see if they actually know anything about BBQ or not, get to eat without having to cook and then get the chance to critique them.  If multiple people take you up on the offer...score for you on free food!



I think 

 bbqbrett
 is the winner.  That is the best advice I could have come across.  I am so going to use that in the future.  

Great post...

I really think that the forum has you covered 
B
 BeefBadger


JC


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## bbqbrett (Jul 29, 2020)

JC in GB said:


> I think
> 
> bbqbrett
> is the winner.  That is the best advice I could have come across.  I am so going to use that in the future.
> ...



Thanks JC.  I didn't do that on a large scale but did work that angle with a couple of different people.


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## chopsaw (Jul 29, 2020)

bbqbrett said:


> Thanks JC. I didn't do that on a large scale but did work that angle with a couple of different people.


Here's something else that works . When they start giving advice , reach over and hand them the tongs .


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## bbqbrett (Jul 29, 2020)

chopsaw said:


> Here's something else that works . When they start giving advice , reach over and hand them the tongs .



Have to like that approach as well.  Especially if you have other guests and something goes wrong.  You can just point the finger at someone else.


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## Fueling Around (Jul 29, 2020)

I take it these are your wife's friends?

Yep you can beat yourself to death making great Q, but there is always the burger and hot dog option.
Actually, screw the burgers and hot dogs.  Local store sells the mystery meat "fun dogs" for $1 a package

Congrats on the baby and hug the wife.  She went through 9 months


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## forktender (Jul 30, 2020)

Drama much???


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## indaswamp (Jul 31, 2020)

JC in GB said:


> I have come to find out, to my shock and disappointment that some people simply don't appreciate expertly prepared food. They are just as happy with a cold Oscar Meyer bologna sandwich as they are with a $400 filet mignon.


Yep.  Well said! And they usually want that filet extra well done!


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## Hawging It (Jul 31, 2020)

Don't sweat it! Keep rolling the smoke and find some new friends!


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## chef jimmyj (Jul 31, 2020)

Sorry to hear your guests were Jerks. Had a similar situation.  Our first Christmas Married, I volunteered to host my Wife's Families Annual Christmas Dinner. I went all out. Ham, Turkey, Polish Food, Italian Food, with Appetizers, Sides and Dessert. I spent most of the day before prepping and day of Cooking. All went off perfectly and the food was great, per word coming back to the kitchen. About 9pm, I grabbed a Beer and came out to what I thought would be Accolades and a night of indulgence. Instead, I found my BIL passed out on the couch, my Wife cleaning up and...Everyone left, never saying a word to me.
33 Years I have been married to that same woman...I NEVER HOSTED CHRISTMAS DINNER AGAIN!!!...JJ


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## bill1 (Aug 1, 2020)

I think it all boils down to 3 issues with people today:
1. Lack of basic manners...no thank you's, no smiles or handshakes, nothing.  
2. People have a weird sense of entitlement, like everyone else's purpose in life is to serve them, whether they're paying handsomely or getting a freebie. 
3. Lack of humility...everyone thinks they know everything, and the corollary to this: people are slow to recognize expertise, or to realize there are fields of endeavor they don't even know exist.  

I hope I don't sound callous.  That's not my intent and it's obvious that this was painful to you, even days later.  But face it, this is not your livelihood.  You have another way to support your family than by BBQ.  You can get over this.  

You almost certainly have considerable latent culinary talent, on top of which you've invested money in your rig and tools, and put countless hours into the hard work of turning good into great.  Same with a lot of musicians.  They may be incredibly talented, but they quickly size up their audience and bring themselves down to their level, with the hope that with time, maybe they can raise the overall average.  The problem with suggesting you serve raw hotdogs and stale beer the next time is that's just revenge.  That doesn't help you, nor them, and it doesn't help advance the _art_ (or craft or hobby) that we all share on this blog.   

Friends exist on many levels.  With time, hopefully you'll find a group of kindred spirits both you and your wife enjoy that truly share your love and appreciation of good food.  They won't need to say thank you...you'll see it in their faces.  They get it.  I call these my _hobby _friends.  I also have _work _friends.  We may totally differ on hobbies, politics, religion, etc but we all share the goals of our organization or firm...we are colleagues.  (It's rare when a spouse likes these friends.) Lastly there are _family _friends.  These are your relatives, or in-laws, or the friends of your wife.  They have a place at your table JUST because of their relational status.  Don't expect them to be what they're not.  

Christ said don't cast your pearls before swine.  Save the pearls of your considerable talents for your hobby friends.


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## indaswamp (Aug 1, 2020)

Bill, that is a very well thought out and delivered post. Thank you for taking the time to post it. I know it is something I needed to read. I appreciate your perspective and sharing it. I know in the past I have been excited about something new in the culinary world and rushed to share it with people that just do not care about food all that much.


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## bill1 (Aug 1, 2020)

It's lonely at the top.  The further out front you get from the pack the less likely you are to be running with true equals.  And the less likely it is the crowd will pat you on the back.  This is not a bad thing; this is a good thing.  The better you are, the harder it is to find peers.  We should strive for excellence, not complements.  
Unless you're trying to make a living at it.  Money changes everything.  You have to do what sells, not necessarily what's the best for you or best for your craft.


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## pi guy (Aug 3, 2020)

I have to say your original post hits home a bit. I absolutely LOVE cooking for other people, even though we seem to do less and less entertaining.  Even so, I want my guests to be satisfied, as if I were the chef at a restaurant they were paying good money to go to.  I can't say I've had responses such as yours that I can remember, but what does hit home, is how much you obviously care about providing your friends with a great experience.  I totally get that!  Sometimes I think I care too much, and need to remind myself that I'm not a chef, and these fools aren't paying me to cook for them.  Some are even drinking my beer!  So as I've gotten older I find myself caring less and less about their reactions (although I still want to wow them with great food), and start caring more and more about what I (and my wife and kids) think about the food.  I think in time you'll start to feel the same way too.

Don't let cooking stress you out; you obviously love to do it.  Keep it enjoyable by keeping it fun. Keep the pressure down and learn to shake off comments or attitudes.  Have a couple of drinks with them, you're not going to screw up the experience.

Have fun doing it, love the hell out of that new baby, and cook for you.


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## MJB05615 (Aug 3, 2020)

I totally agree.  This weekend we hosted our Son's wedding rehearsal dinner, which meant I cooked for 23 people.  I love to do it, haven't had a group this big in 5+ years, when I was much younger and much more sprigh lol.  But I dusted off my old bones, took some Extra Strength Tylenol and manned up.  Pictures will be posted later or tomorrow as I'm finishing another 2 week cooking project today to be posted as well.  But everything came out great, pulled pork, pork loin, and homemade BBQ sauce, which I haven't made in 7 years, my Wife made her excellent homemade Mac and Cheese.  Got a lot of compliments, and almost all of it was eaten with very little leftover.  To me that's the best compliment.  One of the Grandparents who does a lot of smoking himself, asked me for the recipe for the sauce, which was flattering.  We were very happy with the outcome, weren't expecting any happy results going in, knowing it would most likely be the last time we'd host a group with more than 5-6 folks.  So it was bittersweet and gratifying at the same time.  The next day, I had the nerve to suggest that we should host large groups again sometime at which point my better half asked me how I'd like to start sleeping in the backyard on a regular basis, lmao.  Stay the course and keep doing what you love.

Mike


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## Khrakk (Aug 3, 2020)

I, for one, enjoyed your story (except for the ungracious guests).  The food you prepared sounded wonderful, and I'm sure it tasted great.  Unfortunately, not a lot of people know or understand how much work and money go into great bbq (and great food in general).  I promise you that your smoking meats buds (the people on this forum) understand what it takes and would have fully appreciated what you did.  Continue to cook or bbq what you like because you and your family are the only critics that really matter.


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