# Men Are Just Happier !!!



## sawhorseray (Jan 28, 2022)

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE….

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes — one colour for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier!


NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Rich, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Goose, Oddball and Bazza.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When women get their bill, outcome the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.


ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!


----------



## DRKsmoking (Jan 28, 2022)

All funny , but this is sad

LOL






David


----------



## Brokenhandle (Jan 28, 2022)

DRKsmoking said:


> All funny , but this is sad
> 
> LOL
> View attachment 523700
> ...


Why? Do you want his pig or smoker?   
Sorry David,  I had to! 
Great ones Ray!

Ryan


----------



## sawhorseray (Jan 28, 2022)

DRKsmoking said:


> All funny , but this is sad LOL David



Not to worry David, I'm sure the pig made a sincere Act of Contrition and was in hog heaven by the time the women and children arrived for the cook. RAY


----------



## noboundaries (Jan 28, 2022)

Many of those were downright BRILLIANT!


----------



## DRKsmoking (Jan 28, 2022)

Brokenhandle said:


> Why? Do you want his pig or smoker?
> Sorry David,  I had to!
> Great ones Ray!
> 
> Ryan





sawhorseray said:


> Not to worry David, I'm sure the pig made a sincere Act of Contrition and was in hog heaven by the time the women and children arrived for the cook. RAY




Ha Ha 

To me It's kind of like getting the guy to tie the noose in the rope for his own hanging.

That's where I am the hypocrite, It would be ok if the pig was already  dead than put on the trailer
and driving down the highway to the big BBQ that I would stand in line for.
lol

David


----------



## sawhorseray (Jan 29, 2022)

DRKsmoking said:


> Ha Ha To me It's kind of like getting the guy to tie the noose in the rope for his own hanging. That's where I am the hypocrite, It would be ok if the pig was already dead than put on the trailer and driving down the highway to the big BBQ that I would stand in line for. lol David



Don't forget David, the only reason that pig had a life was to make sure he showed up at that BBQ, and on time! RAY


----------



## DRKsmoking (Jan 29, 2022)

sawhorseray said:


> Don't forget David, the only reason that pig had a life was to make sure he showed up at that BBQ, and on time! RAY




You are right Ray, no way he will be late to that shindig, lol

When my son was real young , I bought 2 piglets and raised and fattened them up at my Uncles barn
my boy wanted to name them , so trying to think ahead , of the questions that might come up later .
They became know as Bacon and Eggs instead of something like Pinky and Curly. 
   So I could tell him to eat his bacon and eggs, It was more of a joke for me than him at the time 

David


----------



## mr_whipple (Jan 29, 2022)

sawhorseray said:


> One mood all the time


When I first read that I thought it said "one mood at a time" but it's still spot on.


----------



## yankee2bbq (Jan 29, 2022)




----------



## bauchjw (Jan 29, 2022)

Oh man, those had me rolling! My 8 year old is still laughing about the Grandpa and Titanic!


----------



## HalfSmoked (Jan 29, 2022)

Hahaha Ray
Can you imagen the animal activist if you were driving down the road with a dead pig laying on your trailer.

Warren


----------



## GaryHibbert (Jan 30, 2022)

The Bobsled and the Trojans are definitely my favs.  Thanks Ray.
Gary


----------



## HalfSmoked (Jan 30, 2022)

Thanks, Ray for the like I appreciate it.

Warren


----------



## Nefarious (Jan 31, 2022)

MEN ARE JUST HAPPY PEOPLE…. 

They can just piss of the back porch, during the day.


----------

