# Couple of Farmer Jokes



## sawhorseray (Jul 30, 2020)

A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him "Hey-come over hear buddy".
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks"Were you talking to me"?
The horse replies"Sure was, man I've got a problem.
I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this farmer bought me and now all I do is pull a plow and I'm sick of it.
Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me.
I'll make you some money cause I can still run." The jogger thought to himself,"boy a talking horse" Dollar signs started appearing in his head.
So he runs to the house and the old farmer is sitting on the porch.
The jogger tells the farmer"Hey man I'll give you $5,000 for that old broken down nag you've got in the field".
The farmer replies"Son you can't believe anything that horse says-He's never even been to Kentucky.


 hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down.
Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds.
They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn.
After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn.
A few moments later, a knock on the bedroom door, and the hidu explained that there was a cow in the barn, and cows are sacred and he could not possibly sleep in the barn with a cow.
Annoyed, the rabbi volunteered.
A few moments later, a knock on the door.
The rabbi explained that there was a pig in the barn and that he, being very orthodox, could not possibly spend the evening in the barn with the origin of pork.
Finally the lawyer said that he would go to the barn.
A few moments later there was a knock on the door.
It was the cow and the pig! 


There was a farmer who raised watermelons.
He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons.
After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure.
So he made up the sign and posted it in the field.
The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says "Warning!!
One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made.
The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his.
He drives up to the sign which read: "Now there are two". 


This farmer has 500 hens but no rooster so he goes to his neighbor and asks him if he could buy a rooster for $100.
The neighbor says, "You can have this rooster.
His name's Roy.
He'll get all your hens pregnant.
He's a real stud." So the farmer takes him home and says, "It's your first day so take it slow, okay?" The farmer puts Roy in the hen house and then hears all the hens crying and yelling.
Roy nailed every one of those hens and then nailed a duck and a goose at a pond.
The next morning the farmer finds Roy lying dead with his legs sticking in the air and buzzards circling overhead.
The farmer says, "Roy, did you have to die?" Roy says, "Quiet!
They're about to land!" 

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## kruizer (Jul 30, 2020)

Thank you for the day brightener.


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## Smokin' in AZ (Jul 30, 2020)

Thanks Ray!


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## MJB05615 (Jul 30, 2020)

LOL. Thanks Ray, definitely needed this today.  Now I know I'll have a better day.

Thanks,

Mike


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## GaryHibbert (Jul 30, 2020)

Funny ones there, Ray.
Gary


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## sawhorseray (Aug 10, 2020)

Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road.
Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.
They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in.
He was in there for what seemed like hours.
When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.
"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver.
"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.
The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."


A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals.
So he went to every house in his town.
To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse.
To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.
He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening.
"Who's the boss around here?" he asked.
"I am." said the man.
"I have a black horse and a brown horse," the farmer said, "which one would you like?" The man thought for a minute and said, "The black one." "No, no, no, get the brown one." the man's wife said.
"Here's your chicken." said the farmer. 



An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested.
"Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago." 

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## Winterrider (Aug 10, 2020)

Those are great Ray, thanks.


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