# Non-Charcoal Guide to Grilling



## docktoo (Aug 9, 2015)

Credit to SteveH on another website:  
	

	
	
		
		



		
			






Since my wife has declared herself to be anti-charcoal, I cooked some burgers and dogs on my piece of garbage brinkwomann grill this weekend.
Here is my recipe:

 

1lb hamburger meat, lowest quality possible since you're ruining it anyways
cheap off-brand hotdots to better absorb the taste of failure
chinese cheese slices (since gas grills are un-American)
3 tsp of your own tears
Steps:

 

Rub the rust off of your crappy gas grill
Put all 7 pounds of rust in a bucket to haul off for scrap
sculpt that meat into something resembling patties, without washing your hands
Turn your grill knobs to somewhere between 'hotter than the blazes of hell' and 'colder than your wife's heart'
Accept that there is no in-between with this horrendous contraption
Use a lighter to light it since your grill is a piece of crap
Glance mournfully at your weber kettle grill, cast off to the corner of the deck
check the lid thermometer to make sure that it is still a worthless piece of crap
put the food on, try to avoid the hot spots and cold spots that comprise 98% of the cooking surface
tell your drum smoker that you're so sorry for neglecting it
cook your crappy food until it is charred in a passive-aggressive attempt to change your wife's mind
season generously with your tears of failure as a man
plate the food. garnish with some grass clippings, since it is now more suitable for animal consumption













burned+burgers.jpg



__ docktoo
__ Aug 9, 2015


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## b-one (Aug 9, 2015)

Now I thought my dad just didn't know how to grill all these years maybe he can! 
Never mind he eats carbonized food and likes it!


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