# Time 2 Lighten Up!



## sawhorseray (Oct 13, 2022)

These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a little proof-reading would provide....

National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals".

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

The Sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on Water". The Sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus".

Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper, Sunday at 5.00pm - prayer and meditation to follow.

The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7pm. Please use the back door.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double doors at the side entrance.

The 8th-Graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday; "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."


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## GonnaSmoke (Oct 13, 2022)

Thanks, Ray.







Our local Lowe's Foods actually does have cup holders on their carts and you can walk around in the store and drink a beer in a cup from their bar...


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## sawhorseray (Oct 13, 2022)

GonnaSmoke said:


> Thanks, Ray. Our local Lowe's Foods actually does have cup holders on their carts and you can walk around in the store and drink a beer in a cup from their bar...


 Sweet, I'd do my shopping there! RAY


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## JLeonard (Oct 13, 2022)

Yeah....The one about the guys body and him hauling the motor by hand. As I get into my mid to late 50's I wish I'd taken better care of myself in my youth. I lived my 20's like I didnt want to see 30. 
Jim


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## JLeonard (Oct 13, 2022)

GonnaSmoke said:


> Thanks, Ray.
> 
> View attachment 645858
> 
> ...


To heck with Target and their Starbucks....I'm gonna shop at Lowes with the bar!
Jim


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## tbern (Oct 13, 2022)

Thanks for the laughs!


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## gmc2003 (Oct 13, 2022)

Yup take it or leave it and dinner was always at 5:00PM. You snooze you lose. 

Thanks Ray 

Chris


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## chopsaw (Oct 13, 2022)

Good ones again Ray .* Self esteem group , use the back door .*
I almost choked .


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## TNJAKE (Oct 13, 2022)

Since Thanksgiving is getting close......don't forget to save the neck and gizzards! Your family will thank you


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## tbern (Oct 13, 2022)

LOL!!!


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## sawhorseray (Oct 13, 2022)

TNJAKE said:


> Since Thanksgiving is getting close......don't forget to save the neck and gizzards! Your family will thank you


About the best reason I've ever seen to have ham or prime on Thanksgiving Day. Ham leads to spilt pea soup, turkey noodle is a pain in the butt. Oh, BTW Jake You are sick. I love it! RAY


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## Brokenhandle (Oct 13, 2022)

Oh so many great ones! Slap that dude with his dipstick! And 

 TNJAKE
  I damn near spit my drink out!

Ryan


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## Lant-ern (Oct 14, 2022)

sawhorseray said:


> These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a little proof-reading would provide....
> 
> National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals".
> 
> ...


A lot of great ones.Thanks


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## Fueling Around (Oct 14, 2022)

sawhorseray said:


> ...
> 
> View attachment 645826
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> ...


Replace the angle grinder and flame wrench with 2 impact drivers (3/8" and 1/2") trying to break loose spark plugs on a Ford Triton 5.4l motor


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## GaryHibbert (Oct 14, 2022)

Great ones Ray.  Love the first one on the church paper.  My brother used to live in a condo in Calgary that had a short brick wall in front of it.  Really PO'ed the hookers when the condo board put that exact fence on top of it (the girls used to sit on the wall and visit).
Gary


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## GaryHibbert (Oct 14, 2022)

Charles, I'm just a tad envious of your Lowes.
Gary


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## GaryHibbert (Oct 14, 2022)

Jake, I'd try that, just not sure if I'd live thru it.
Gary


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## noboundaries (Oct 14, 2022)

All great ones!

The church headlines reminded me of a letter I wrote to the editor of the Sacrameto newspaper YEARS ago when they did a story on a local group named, "Catholics against responsible sex education." 

I agreed that irresponsible sex education was WAY more fun.


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