# Today's Allotment!



## sawhorseray (Oct 27, 2022)

A pirate walked into a bar, and the bartender said:

"Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "We were in a battle, and I got hit with a cannonball, but I'm fine now."

The bartender replied, "Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"

The pirate explained, "We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook but I'm fine, really."

"What about that eye patch?"

"Oh," said the pirate, "One day we were at sea, and a flock of birds flew over I looked up, and one of them crapped in my eye!"

"You're kidding," said the bartender. "You couldn't lose an eye just from bird crap!"

"It was my first day with the hook."


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## DRKsmoking (Oct 27, 2022)

Hard to pick just 1 so I enjoyed them all, great batch again

But, if I had to,  Thanks Ray

David


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## bauchjw (Oct 27, 2022)

Awesome, there were a lot of killers in there! I’m reading during a brief and getting glances for chuckling


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## gmc2003 (Oct 27, 2022)

Those are really good Ray, but I have to say the 4 son one is the best. 

Chris


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## JLeonard (Oct 27, 2022)

I will say I am in awe of the skills by the kid on the horse. 
Great batch this morning!
Jim


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## tbern (Oct 27, 2022)

thanks for the laughs!  loved the ones that David picked out too!


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## 912smoker (Oct 27, 2022)

So many good ones RAY !
Like the cursive and stick shift 

Keith


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## old sarge (Oct 27, 2022)

Great ending to a rough day!  Thanks!!


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## MJB05615 (Oct 27, 2022)

Excellent choices as usual, Ray.  I also loved the 4 Boys' names.  Thank you again my friend for brightening an otherwise mediocre day.


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## GaryHibbert (Oct 28, 2022)

Wow!!  Great batch of jokes today, Ray.  Can't pick a favorite--the pirate, Texas tooth fairy, and NASA (which sadly, won't be understood by today's kids).


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## GaryHibbert (Oct 28, 2022)

Gotta wonder how many discovered why a candle flame smells like burning nose hair???
Gary


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## Brokenhandle (Oct 28, 2022)

GaryHibbert said:


> Gotta wonder how many discovered why a candle flame smells like burning nose hair???
> Gary


Think it started as...in the state of California...lol! I got a visual of that one too!
Great ones Ray! I loved em all but think the cursive and stick shift one was my favorite! I could drive a stick shift as a kid but my uncle's 3 on the tree threw me for a loop for a bit...had never seen or driven one before. 

Ryan


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## GonnaSmoke (Oct 28, 2022)

Great group of funnies, Ray!!


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## GaryHibbert (Nov 3, 2022)

OK.  I gotta ask.  Who's the guy in "please don't die"??
Gary


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## sawhorseray (Nov 3, 2022)

GaryHibbert said:


> OK.  I gotta ask.  Who's the guy in "please don't die"??
> Gary


Kevin Bacon, movie actor. RAY


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## noboundaries (Nov 3, 2022)

I do miss a pasture full of horses behind a stick shift. Paddle shifting just ain't the same.


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