# And then the fight started



## kruizer (Jul 20, 2021)

companion of your walks.” T.J.


   This will start your day off with a cheerful smile 

           One      year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a      Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
______________________________

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered. I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
______________________________

I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me
that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take
care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more
important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily
snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and
when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish
cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
________________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________

Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my breakfast, and
slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I
pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the
weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a
different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband
is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
________________________________

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she
processed my Social Security application..
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office...
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
And then the fight started...
________________________________

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
     And then the fight started........


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## SmokinEdge (Jul 20, 2021)

Funny chit right there. Haha.


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## BandCollector (Jul 20, 2021)

LOL. . .Bigtime!

Thanks,  I needed this today,

John


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## chopsaw (Jul 20, 2021)

Those are good . Lol . Thanks .


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## SmokingUPnorth (Jul 20, 2021)

Oh man good ones. Thanks.


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## yankee2bbq (Jul 20, 2021)




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## kruizer (Jul 20, 2021)

I am glad you all enjoyed these.


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## Brokenhandle (Jul 20, 2021)

I can't understand why they have no sense of humor!!!

Ryan


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## MJB05615 (Jul 20, 2021)

Those are all good ones.  Thanks.


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## Fueling Around (Jul 20, 2021)

Are you having a bad day?


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## chef jimmyj (Jul 21, 2021)

I thought these were hilarious and the opposite of the way I treat my Wife. I read these to Bev.  She said, " That's the kind of S#!T you say to me all the time! " Thats when the fight started....JJ


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## SmokinGame (Jul 21, 2021)

Great ones! I think I have been part of some of those.


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## sawhorseray (Jul 21, 2021)

Love 'em, thanx Kruizer! RAY


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## GaryHibbert (Jul 21, 2021)

Great way to start my day.  Thanks.
Gary


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## smokeymose (Jul 21, 2021)

LOL!
Years ago I learned that there was no place for humor with most women and just keep my mouth shut whenever possible....


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