# court system



## Fueling Around (Apr 6, 2022)

> *How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
> These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
> 
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
> ...


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## old sarge (Apr 6, 2022)

Too funny! in a sad sort of way.


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## Brokenhandle (Apr 7, 2022)

And here's your sign!    There's no way I could keep a straight face lol!

Ryan


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## mike243 (Apr 7, 2022)

Another reason to wear a mask, they cant see you laughing, might see tears in your eyes but not the shat eating grin


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## JLeonard (Apr 7, 2022)

And the bad thing is....I'm sure all of these questions were asked in all seriousness.
Jim


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## mlk18 (Apr 7, 2022)

If I had a $1 for every time I heard a lawyer say something funny or dumb in court, I could afford to hire a lawyer.


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## Fueling Around (Apr 7, 2022)

mlk18 said:


> If I had a $1 for every time I heard a lawyer say something funny or dumb in court, I could afford to hire a lawyer.


Would you want to hire a lawyer that is potentially an imbecile in court?


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## MJB05615 (Apr 8, 2022)

All hilarious and scary at the same time, lol.


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## mlk18 (Apr 8, 2022)

Fueling Around said:


> Would you want to hire a lawyer that is potentially an imbecile in court?


Pretty much every lawyer I see in court is an imbecile. The really good lawyers never seem to let things get that far.


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## zwiller (Apr 8, 2022)

Part of my gig requires going to Clerk of Courts.  I carry a briefcase and dress well so I look the part.  You have to go through a metal detector and Sheriff Deputy's work it.  Attorneys are typically exempt from the detector (yep!) so they ask me if I am an attorney.  I tell them no and I often hear some seriously funny remarks. Stuff like "good for you!" or "I could tell you were a good guy"  LOL    

If you guys like this stuff there is a treasure trove of funny videos of this type of it on You Tube.  Court Cam.  

My Uncle has been on the bench like 30 years and I work with many good honest lawyers.  They exist but are in minority unfortunately.


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## Bearcarver (Apr 8, 2022)

LOL---Crazy Stuff!!
Thanks FA.

Bear


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## GaryHibbert (Apr 9, 2022)

The really sad thing is......I can actually picture them saying these things.
Gary


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## mneeley490 (Apr 9, 2022)

I work in the court system. These definitely sound true to form. Some funny things I've seen/heard:

Judge: Bail is set at $50,000.
Defense Attorney: Your honor, may I ask you to reconsider? The bail set here at 1st appearance is known to influence the amount set if these allegations are charged in Superior Court.
Judge: Good! Bail is $100,000.

Judge: You are hereby sentenced to 90 days in jail, with credit for the 98 you've already served.
Defendant: Can I get credit for those extra days the next time I'm arrested?
Judge: Uh, well, I'm uh, hoping you won't be here again...

Guy once missed his court date for Possession of a Stolen Vehicle, because he got caught driving a stolen vehicle on his way to court.

On another stolen vehicle case, pictures of his arrest show the guy wearing a t-shirt that says, "Drive it like you stole it."

Guy shows up at 9am to plead guilty to a felony DUI, and he's wobbling a little as he stands before the judge, who is about 15' away. Even from that distance, the judge (and everybody else) can acutely smell alcohol coming from him.
Judge: Sir, how did you get here today?
Defendant: My friend drove me.
Judge: What's your friend's name?
Defendant: I don't remember.
Judge: Have you been drinking today??
Defendant: No.
Judge: I ask you again. Are you drunk?
Defendant: Maybe. (His attorney is looking helpless.)
Judge: We cannot proceed with this plea today. I'm finding Mr. X has violated his conditions of release. Officers, please remand him to the jail.
Defendant: Hey!! Whattabout my car!?

Officers bring in a sweet looking, little old lady before the judge. She looks like Granny from the Warner Bros. cartoons, who owns Tweety Bird.
Judge: Mam, we're here for a probable cause hearing for one count of felony harassment. Do you understand?
Little Old Lady: Yeah, you *%&[email protected]#@^$*&$&^#&^$&#^%#*&$^&#&^%%$&%*^*(^*%%^DYRE^%&$&#^&$&*$%**^[email protected](*$$^&#[email protected]%##^*$^&#*$&^#&^#%$*^#^%@^&#^%#^&#%^#^&$^&#^&$*$&^#&*$&$$*&$^&@*T*%(*($&^%@$%*([email protected]&*((%^$*(($#^#**((()&#@#^$#**(^)(%^$%&^#%(($&^#[email protected]$^*(*#(&#^*)))()&$^#$*[email protected]@#&!!%@^#$&()(*#^$#@%@#^()_)(*#%^@#@%)(*(*&%[email protected]#%&())&^@%[email protected]!%@#$^%*((__)*&#%^@#%%$*&)*&#^*^&)(&^#@@&*(@!!!!!!!!#@^*)*)&#%^@%@$^%*&(($^%#$*()())_))(%#(%&^)(_)*(&&^%#$%^@@%$%^*&)_*&#$#$*&)(*&%#@#$()!!!!!!!!!!   
#*@% you!!
At this point the judge signals the officers to take her back into the holding tank.
Judge to defense attorney: Any objection to probable cause?
Defense Attorney: Um, no.
(I used to work on construction sites with iron workers, pipe fitters, electricians, etc, and I've _never _heard language like that!)


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