# Elderly Driving



## daveomak (Nov 29, 2012)

A SENIOR’S DRIVER'S LICENSE

A man was sitting on a lawn chair sunning and reading, when he was startled
by a fairly late model car crashing through his hedge and coming to rest
on his lawn. He helped the elderly driver out and sat her on a lawn
chair.

“My goodness” he exclaimed, “you are quite old to be driving!”

“Yes” she replied,” I am old enough that I don’t need a license
anymore. The last time I went to my doctor he examined me, and asked
if I had a driver’s license. I told him yes and handed it to him. He
took scissors out of a drawer, cut the license into pieces and threw
them in the wastebasket.”
”You won’t be needing this anymore,” he said.


----------



## mr mac (Nov 29, 2012)

Wow - I _know_ people like that!


----------



## sound1 (Nov 29, 2012)

Senior logic..


----------



## linguica (Nov 29, 2012)

Dave, thanks for the joke I'm not sure i can laugh. I'm trying to deal with a neighbor and close friend who is 87 years old and still insists on driving despite being in a least 3 accidents ( that I know about) in the past 3 years. On the open highway he drives very well. On crowded city streets a 10 mile ride with him turns in to a real "E" ticket ride. I offer to drive but he is a stubborn old Dane. Now he has a lady friend that lives across the bay (40 miles away) and she is as old as him and an even worse driver. I rode with her once and had to ask her if she had ever worked as a taxi driver. She doesn't know there is anything between idle and pedal the the metal. Not to mention when they go out she will always have a cocktail or five. As a close friend I am at a loss as how to proceed. And when I say he's a " stubborn old Dane" that is an understatement. He"s a WW2 Vet, a UDT team leader ( predecessor to today's SEAL teams) The only person he is afraid of is my wife mainly because she has many years of martial arts training.


----------



## daveomak (Nov 29, 2012)

I had been telling my step dad, for 3 years, he should quit driving......   Mom an he were sitting at the dinner table and the door bell rang.... 

City cop standing there asking if they had car "such and such", license plate "such and such".....  Why yes we do, why do you ask ??  Well it was in a wreck about an hour ago.... 

So out to the carport they went..... there was the car with a rear view mirror sitting on the hood.... step dad had told the cop " I was driving the car earlier and I was not in an accident" .....   Mouth agape, he turned to my mom and said, "Don't tell Dave. He will have my license taken away"....


----------



## aussie rod (Nov 29, 2012)

While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a
roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal,
they left the restaurant, and resumed their trip. When leaving,
the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table, and
she didn't miss them until they had been driving for about forty
minutes.
By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to
travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn
around, in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.
All the way back, the elderly husband became the
classic grouchy old man. He fussed and complained, and
scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive.
The more he chided her, the more agitated he became.
He just wouldn’t let up for a single minute.  
To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.
As the woman got out of the car, and hurried inside to get
her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her, "While you're
in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card"


----------



## linguica (Nov 29, 2012)

A Texas Highway Patrol officer pulled over an elderly old lady for speeding when he noticed the barrel of a gun just visible under the drivers seat. He removed her from the car and asked if he could search the rest of the vehicle. From under the seat he pulled out a 44 Mag long barrel, loaded (Dirty Harry gun). He found a loaded 357 Magnum in the glove box. In the trunk where a 12 ga pump and an AK 47. Totally shocked he asked the old lady "what are you afraid of", she replied "not a damm thing",


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 1, 2012)

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 KPH.

Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!"

So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seat and three in the back.. wide eyed and white as ghosts.
 
The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit!  What seems to be the problem?"
 
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
 
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... twenty-two kilometers an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly.
 
The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that 22 is the highway number, not the speed limit.
 
A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.
 
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a peep this whole time," the officer asks.
 
"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer.  We just got off Highway 189."


----------



## pops6927 (Dec 1, 2012)

Linguica said:


> Dave, thanks for the joke I'm not sure i can laugh. I'm trying to deal with a neighbor and close friend who is 87 years old and still insists on driving despite being in a least 3 accidents ( that I know about) in the past 3 years. On the open highway he drives very well. On crowded city streets a 10 mile ride with him turns in to a real "E" ticket ride. I offer to drive but he is a stubborn old Dane. Now he has a lady friend that lives across the bay (40 miles away) and she is as old as him and an even worse driver. I rode with her once and had to ask her if she had ever worked as a taxi driver. She doesn't know there is anything between idle and pedal the the metal. Not to mention when they go out she will always have a cocktail or five. As a close friend I am at a loss as how to proceed. And when I say he's a " stubborn old Dane" that is an understatement. He"s a WW2 Vet, a UDT team leader ( predecessor to today's SEAL teams) The only person he is afraid of is my wife mainly because she has many years of martial arts training.


I can relate to that.  Since my 4th stroke, even though I passed my Texas State driver's test that I re-took voluntarily, I still don't drive much, maybe 10 to 20 miles a week if that.  It is a constant fear that I will miss something, overlook something, delay in reaction, and so on and my wife doesn't want me driving hardly at all; now that we've retired, she will drive me practically all the time (she's a road rage maniac!).


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 1, 2012)

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
 
The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."
 
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
 
The man replies, "That would be my wife."


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 1, 2012)

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She  writes:     
 

Dear Grand-daughter,
   
The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a
'Honk if you love Jesus ' bumper sticker.
    
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a
thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.
    
So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.
    
I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in
thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the
light had changed.
    
It  is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't
honked,  I'd never have noticed.
    
I found that lots of people love Jesus !
    
While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like  crazy,
and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of
God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ , GO!'
    
What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus !
    
Everyone started honking!
    
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those
loving people.
    
I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
     ;
There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him
yelling something about a sunny beach.
    
I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger
stuck up in the  air.
    
I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.
    
He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
    
Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii , so I leaned out the window
and gave him the good luck sign right back.
    
My grandson burst out laughing.
    
Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that
they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.
    
I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is
when I noticed the light had changed.
    
So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on
through the intersection.
    
I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection
before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave
them after all the love we had shared.
    
So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the
Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.  Praise the Lord
for such wonderful folks!!
    
Will write again soon,
    
Love,  Grandma


----------



## venture (Dec 1, 2012)

This here aint funny!

All you youngun's just don't get it?

I have a truck, and I have a set of keys.  Stay the he..  out of my way!  

End of conversation.

Good luck and good smoking.


----------



## rabbithutch (Dec 1, 2012)

Venture said:
			
		

> This here aint funny!
> 
> All you youngun's just don't get it?
> 
> ...



Me too!  My 1990 Ford F150 makes great dents in other cars.  These little pissant things they make today ain't heavy enough to get the right of way on their own and they are fool enough to think I'm gonna just let 'em take it. :biggrin:

Mahalo !  (with Hawaiian good luck hand signal waving!)  

:bluesbros:


----------



## linguica (Dec 1, 2012)

Venture said:


> This here aint funny!
> 
> All you youngun's just don't get it?
> 
> ...


Video Newsflash....Here is Venture going to the store for milk, bread and beer.


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 4, 2012)

When  asked by a young patrol officer

"Do You  know you were speeding?"

This  83-year-old woman gave the young officer an ear  to ear smile and stated:

"Yes , but  ..... I had to get there before I forgot where I  was going." 

The  officer put his ticket book away and bid her  good day. 

Makes  perfectly good sense to me.


----------



## venture (Dec 4, 2012)

Well.....?

There is more to this story, really?

As a young'un, I had to stay out of the way and watch out for all those old geezers.

Nobody locked them up or took away their keys back then.  Hell, we'd help them home if they had too much to drink or forgot where their car or house were?

Now I just figger it is time for the next generation to show me the respect I showed my elders!

Wish me luck!

Good luck and good smoking.


----------



## rabbithutch (Dec 4, 2012)

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!"
and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding--a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.


----------



## shoneyboy (Dec 4, 2012)

I laugh till I 
	

	
	
		
		



		
		
	


	





I have to give all of them at least 1 
	

	
	
		
		



		
		
	


	





because all I did is 
	

	
	
		
		



		
		
	


	





........SB


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 5, 2012)

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat  last week. Took her to the fair last night,
took me 5 hours to  get her off the big  wheel.


----------



## aussie rod (Dec 5, 2012)

*My grandpa started walking
five miles a day when he was 60.
Now he's 97 years old
and we have no idea where the hell he is.*


----------



## diggingdogfarm (Dec 5, 2012)

:icon_eek:

Oh, my.......I think that happens a lot!!!! LOL




~Martin


----------

