# Report Card



## newtgadget (Jul 26, 2006)

A FATHER GOING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS  NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP. THEN HE SAW AN  ENVELOPE PROPPED UP
PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE  BED.
IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD". WITH THE WORST  PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE
LETTER  WITH TREMBLING HANDS:  

DEAR DAD,

IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING  THIS. I HAD TO ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A  SCENE WITH MOM AND YOU.

I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND  SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH 
ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER  TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES.

BUT IT'S NOT ONLY THE  PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE VERY  HAPPY.  EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS MUCH  OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREA DY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS  A STACK OF FIREWOOD
FOR THE WHOLE  WINTER.

SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN  WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMSTOO. 

 BARBARA  TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE  GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER FRIENDS FOR ALL  THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE  MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA  CAN GET BETTER; SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!

DON'T  WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF  MYSELF.

SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK  TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW  YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,  
JOHN

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER  AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE  WORSE THINGS IN  LIFE THAN MY REPORT
CARD -- THAT'S IN MY DESK  CENTER DRAWER.
I LOVE  YOU!CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME  HOME.


----------

