# Ineptitude Is My Co-Pilot (with Q-view)



## mr parx (Dec 6, 2014)

Howdy, all.  For the first time, I'll be documenting my smoking today.  It's College Football Conference Championship Saturday (CFCCS), so we needed to celebrate, and that means getting up early to eat late.  I decided to make a couple fatties, one for a friend who raved about the one I made some months back (I think that one was stuffed with Zatarain's cheesy jambalya), as well as some straight-forward wings. And while doing all that prep, I thought I might take a first-try at cold-smoking some gouda that was on sale.  

Since this is my first photo-journal, naturally, MASSIVE bumbling occurred.  I can't believe the foolish decisions I have made already this morning.  I offer the play-by-play as a lesson in what not to do, no matter how delicious the final products turn out.  

So, I put maybe a 1/3 of a chimney of coals in one side of the pan of my trusty ECB, with a bunch of pecan shells in a loose tin-foil wrap nearby.  I let it cook a bit before putting the smoker on top of the pan and adding the cheese.  I went in to make the fatties.  The last fatties I made were stuffed with apples and onions, seasoned with cinnamon and brown sugar.













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014






The wife just bought us a peeler-corer-slicer.  They're awesome, and I can't praise them enough.  Put a peel-catcher of some sort on the floor below it, because it makes a little mess. 













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014






So, diced apples, onions, cinnamon, and a big fat rounded tablespoon of brown sugar, and we're ready to roll. The timer just went off, let's make sure that cheese is okay!













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014
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Yeah, not okay.  Weepy cheese makes me sad.  So, the smoker got too hot.  But, the cheese is still pretty gouda. Let's salvage it.  













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014
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(I love cheese puns.  My wife tells me, "Havarti heard enough cheese puns!  It's more than I Camembert!")













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014
__ 1






I figure the best way to get it back into shape is to roll it like a fatty, since I already have that skill, plus all the equipment readily at hand.













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014






I say it is in the spirit, if not the letter of the law, Your Honor.  I sentence this smoky blob to serve some cool-off time in the fridge.  Back to the fatties.













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014
__ 1






I like a loose bacon weave, so the sausage gets a bit of bark going.  However, AND THIS IS IMPORTANT:  Low sodium bacon is just bacon they slice thinner.  You get less sodium in a 2-slice serving, because the slices are see-through.  (It's also true that when I fried up the last of this bacon, it achieved melt-in-your-mouth crispiness, and I may or may not have had 4 servings, thus eliminating any low-sodium benefits). 













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014
__ 1






The wings were thawed in a makeshift brine of about 2 tbsps turbinado sugar and kosher salt, plus maybe a 1/4 tsp of cayenne, and some leftover apple slices (why not, at this point, I'm clearly making it up as I go along).  I paper-towel dried the wings, sprinkled them with Emeril's Rib Rub (I think his secret ingredient is SALT, but it was on sale.)

So, that all went on an hour ago.  I'll post a follow up if I remember to take the pictures.  It's noon now in Savannah, 63 degrees outside, and the first games have started. Let me dump out this cold coffee and crack open a colder beer. 

Best,

Mr. Parx


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## bluewhisper (Dec 6, 2014)

> You get less sodium in a 2-slice serving, because the slices are see-through.


That's like the soft drink companies reducing the amount of sugar in a serving, by shrinking the cans without changing the formula.


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## dirtsailor2003 (Dec 6, 2014)

Looks like your off to a tasty start! Should be good eats!


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## crazymoon (Dec 6, 2014)

You got me laughing with your post -good luck with the smoke !


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## mr parx (Dec 6, 2014)

The meat has come off.  Let's take a look. I'm not sure if I can do this directly from my phone. 













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014






The wings came out very tasty.  I tossed then in a sauce made from Franks hot wing,  sriracha, and cholula chipotle sauces.

The fatties came out delicious,  despite my foibles :













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__ mr parx
__ Dec 6, 2014


















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Thanks for all the help. Alabama just won the SEC. My Noles are up next,  against the Mrs.' Yellow Jackets.  Enjoy,  y'all! 

Mr Parx


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## mr parx (Dec 7, 2014)

CrazyMoon said:


> You got me laughing with your post -good luck with the smoke !



I'm glad you enjoyed it.  I left out a bunch of other mistakes,  but it still came out tasty!


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## smokin monkey (Dec 7, 2014)

Hi Mr Prax, we all make mistakes, just some don't like to admit it or show it! A man who has never made a mistake, has done nothing!

Good looking Fattie!

Smokin Monkey [emoji]133660013031[/emoji]


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## tucson bbq fan (Dec 7, 2014)

Mr Parx said:


> I'm glad you enjoyed it. I left out a bunch of other* mistakes*, but it still came out tasty!


Mistakes are things you don't learn from, or clear repeats of past issues.  All else is clearly experimentation in cooking!  The bottom line is that your food came out fine, and you learned a few more things to try next time - I call that a successful cooking session!


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## welshrarebit (Dec 7, 2014)

The best thing even our mistakes are pretty darn tasty!!!


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## mr parx (Dec 7, 2014)

UK, huh?  

Do you have any interest in the world championship of darts this month?  Who's your pick?

Best,

-parx


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## mr parx (Dec 7, 2014)

Welshrarebit said:


> The best thing even our mistakes are pretty darn tasty!!!


Man, that's the truth.  I know I'll ruin something sooner or later, but so far this has been nothing but WIN.

cheers,

-parx


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