# So tired of sexism.



## PoukieBear (Jul 5, 2019)

I haven't been part of the smoking world for very long, and I just wanted to say to you all, YOU ALL ROCK!

I've been dealing with a bunch of losers in my local stores, all of them either ignoring me completely, or assuming that I'm shopping for my husband.  Always asking me "What does your husband think?"  "What preference does your husband have?"  "What is he smoking this weekend?"  and so forth.

I've got NONE of that here, and I really appreciate it!  Thank you for accepting me as one of your own :)


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## Bearcarver (Jul 5, 2019)

LOL---We here at SMF have seen enough Great Female Grillers & Smokers come through here to not be so stupid as to ignore their abilities!!

Keep up the Great Work!!

Bear


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## grillmonkey (Jul 5, 2019)

My favorite part of smoking meat is in the eating. I'd love it if my wife took an interest in it, so I could just sit around and drink beer while she did all the work. To give you an idea of the lengths I will go to avoid cooking of any kind, I built a 280 sq. ft. cookhouse just so I wouldn't have to fry fish (A popular pastime in the south is for family and friends to get together on weekends and fry fish, hushpuppies, squash and fries. Also throw in some grits and potato salad).













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__ grillmonkey
__ May 15, 2017


















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__ grillmonkey
__ May 15, 2017


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## mooncusser (Jul 5, 2019)

I'd say you rock!  I'm new to SMF but I've been on more than a few forums. Regardless of topic, I tend to see the membership be mostly male.  Always appreciate it when a woman participates in the discussion, makes it a better place.


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## TomKnollRFV (Jul 5, 2019)

I am glad some one spoke up about this..I've seen alot of the sexism and biased in this culture on facebook etc and I don't get it!

You keep doing you PoukieBear!! We'll be here to support and help eat the goodies!


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## oddegan (Jul 5, 2019)

I think most of us fellas here would say we learned at least half of our techniques from our mothers. I know I sure did. I wouldn't know anything about prep work without her. You do you Poukiebear. Glad to have you here.


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## pc farmer (Jul 5, 2019)

Yup, glad to have you here and smoking stuff.  We don't care what gender people are, we just like helping others and seeing pics of food.  

I think I would stay away from them stores and find a butcher that appreciates your business


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## Jonok (Jul 5, 2019)

We are happy to have you.

But realize, that as you have nearly 3x as likes as posts, we’re also a bunch of old leches who are flattered to have someone of your pulchritude and proclivity who  wants to come and make “butt jokes” and otherwise play in our old guy world. 

We’re glad you’re around.


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## PoukieBear (Jul 5, 2019)

pc farmer said:


> Yup, glad to have you here and smoking stuff.  We don't care what gender people are, we just like helping others and seeing pics of food.
> 
> I think I would stay away from them stores and find a butcher that appreciates your business



Thanks!

Actually, my butcher is pretty awesome.  And I think he understands where I’m coming from, because he’s just 17 years old.  (Family run shop, obviously).   I first connected with him on thier facebook page that he runs, and where i place my orders.

He gets the same discrimination because he is just a kid in some peoples eyes.  But!  Man does he know his stuff!  He knows that I’m learning the ropes, knows what to reccomend, isnt afraid to tell me that a different cut would be better for what I’m doing, and his knife skills are amazing to watch.

All of my issues have actually been in supply stores.  Buying coal or wood or acessories.  However, i did find a good store where no one has ever mafe me feel like i dont belong.  And for that, its worth yhe 1 hour round trip to get what i need.  :)


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## jac63 (Jul 5, 2019)

I always defer to my wife when I am grilling or smoking something. Lord knows I don't have a clue what I'm doing, all I know how to do is start fires. 

Glad you are enjoying the smoking and keep on posting for guys like me to learn from.


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## tropics (Jul 5, 2019)

PoukieBear sorry to say this part of SMF has not taken off as good as it should have.https://www.smokingmeatforums.com/forums/bbq-women.3176/
You have very good tallent from what I have & I hope to be back in full swing Queing & Smoking soon
Richie


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## Rathog23 (Jul 5, 2019)

But seriously folks, as they used to say in vaudeville, I really have no idea what the gender is of other members unless they bring it up.

I just know that I've got great, friendly advice on here.


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## S-met (Jul 5, 2019)

Yeah, but what does your husband think?

Sorry, couldn't resist.


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## noboundaries (Jul 5, 2019)

PoukieBear, you're a special person, and it breaks my heart you have to put up with those ancient attitudes. Pork butts can't tell time, or who's light'n the fire, nor do they care. Some butts haven't learned that lesson.


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## cooker613 (Jul 5, 2019)

PoukieBear said:


> I haven't been part of the smoking world for very long, and I just wanted to say to you all, YOU ALL ROCK!
> 
> I've been dealing with a bunch of losers in my local stores, all of them either ignoring me completely, or assuming that I'm shopping for my husband.  Always asking me "What does your husband think?"  "What preference does your husband have?"  "What is he smoking this weekend?"  and so forth.
> 
> I've got NONE of that here, and I really appreciate it!  Thank you for accepting me as one of your own :)



Glad you’re here!


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## WaterinHoleBrew (Jul 5, 2019)

Don't let them folks get to ya.  You keep doing your thing, we are happy ya joined us here at SMF.


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## yankee2bbq (Jul 5, 2019)

YEAP! Glad your here too!


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## bluewhisper (Jul 5, 2019)

Hi PB so what's your smoker? Or have you already described that in another thread?

That's really sweet that you have a close connection to a butcher. Nothing like that here for me. Do you have a grinder, have you done anything like sausage? You might be able to get scraps from him cheap and have some fun.


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## chilerelleno (Jul 5, 2019)

Throw that crap right back at'em, laugh in their faces and tell them the way it is! 
"I'm the Pit Master in the house and I'll tell'ya what I'm thinking, have or am cooking".
"I know I can out smoke you, ya chipmunk d!cked loser, and that's for sure!"

I don't care who or what you are, as long as you can throw down some good food, or are trying to learn... You're good to go in my book.


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## SecondHandSmoker (Jul 5, 2019)

PoukieBear,
Unfortunately, sexism is alive and well in hardware stores and such.
You made the right decision to take your business to the place that has worked to earn you as a customer. Those other places don't deserve your business.
No matter what,  there are over 110,000 members here on SMF who will have your back.


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## S-met (Jul 5, 2019)

You don't even need to be good (though its a very appreciated bonus), all I request is that you are cool to hang with, enjoy a few drinks and shoot the shit. Gender doesn't factor into my requirements.


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## 2008RN (Jul 5, 2019)

PB, Glad to have you on the site. A lot of males just have fragile egos. If it wasn't for my wife, I would only be half the person I am today. I do the smoking, but my wife helps my do all the prep work. Which is  many times more work than the smoking. She is better at grilling than I am, but I sill try
I have learned from your posts and the questions you have asked.
Thanks.
This is a great Web site with many fantastic people.


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## DocSteve (Jul 5, 2019)

I would love to have a woman that loved smoking and not just eating it.


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## waynl (Jul 5, 2019)

Hey PoukieBear, I'm with Rathog on this one. We all carry some biases with us, even tiny ones, but I think most people can shove them aside and simply deal with others as just another potential friend. After reading posts on this forum for better than a year now, I'm kind of blind to the avatars and simply read the posts and try to gain some knowledge from each of them. We all have something to share regardless of our sex, race, nationality, experience or shoe size. The student has become the teacher and the teacher, the student.

Glad you can share here. Dang the torpedoes, full smoke ahead!


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## Fueling Around (Jul 5, 2019)

_"Royal Pain is a girl?"_
Not inferring you are a royal pain, completely the opposite.  That is simply a memorable line from the movie "Sky High" when The Commander (a butthead) is confronted with his sexism.

[email protected] was my daughter's original email address.


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## johnmeyer (Jul 5, 2019)

My daughter is a doctor and, even in this day and age when there are FAR more women graduating from medical school than men (2/3 of her class), she still hears during rounds in the hospital, almost every day: 

_"Nurse, can you get a doctor for me?"_

She was offended at first, but then realized that its one of those things we ALL have to deal with, some more than others, but everyone has their stories to tell.

This isn't something unique to one country or to this particular time we live in. Quite frankly, in my 6+ decades, I think we have far, far less then we ever had before but, paradoxically, people seem to focus on these offenses far more than they used to. 

So, look for places like this wonderful forum where people are friendly and, almost without exception, don't seem to put people in "boxes."

Welcome to SMF.


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## gmc2003 (Jul 6, 2019)

Personally I don't see gender or age when I'm on the forum. I see someone either asking for assistance or posting something their proud of. Besides a select few lucky members. Who really knows who the person is behind the avatar.   

Chris


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## SmokinAl (Jul 6, 2019)

Welcome to SMF!
We are very happy to have you join the group.
When I first joined on here the first recipe I got was from a female on here, it was for coleslaw, & I still make it exactly the same way that she taught me. Along with the coleslaw recipe, she walked me through my first rack of ribs, which came out great. So there are plenty of great women BBQ'ers on here & it sounds like you are going to be in that group as well. You will find that we all appreciate a good looking plate of Q, no matter who made it!
Al


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## sandyut (Jul 6, 2019)

chilerelleno said:


> Throw that crap right back at'em, laugh in their faces and tell them the way it is!
> "I'm the Pit Master in the house and I'll tell'ya what I'm thinking, have or am cooking".
> "I know I can out smoke you, ya chipmunk d!cked loser, and that's for sure!"
> 
> I don't care who or what you are, as long as you can throw down some good food, or are trying to learn... You're good to go in my book.


Second this this plan!  No place for sexism in this world.

SMF is the best group of people I have found.  all about support and helping each other regardless.


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## Bearcarver (Jul 6, 2019)

tropics said:


> PoukieBear sorry to say this part of SMF has not taken off as good as it should have.https://www.smokingmeatforums.com/forums/bbq-women.3176/
> You have very good tallent from what I have & I hope to be back in full swing Queing & Smoking soon
> Richie




Yeah, It doesn't help that the none of the people who made those "13 comments" on that "BBQ Women" forum has been seen on this forum since 2017, including the Group Leader.
It appears as though some new blood is needed there.

Bear


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## schlotz (Jul 6, 2019)

Glad you are with us here on SMF. No question there are a bunch of bigoted people out there and these days it seems even harder to avoid them. You found the right place!

Matt


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## PoukieBear (Jul 6, 2019)

bluewhisper said:


> Hi PB so what's your smoker? Or have you already described that in another thread?
> 
> That's really sweet that you have a close connection to a butcher. Nothing like that here for me. Do you have a grinder, have you done anything like sausage? You might be able to get scraps from him cheap and have some fun.



Hi!  I have a 22.5” WSM that I bought this year, and I’m in love with it!

I don’t have a grinder anymore.... my husband did buy me one for Christmas last year, as an attachment for my Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  I returned it, thinking I’d never have a use for it.  I’m a little lazy, and making my own sausages kind of sounds like a nightmare of effort.  Lol.


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## sandyut (Jul 6, 2019)

PoukieBear said:


> Hi!  I have a 22.5” WSM that I bought this year, and I’m in love with it!
> 
> I don’t have a grinder anymore.... my husband did buy me one for Christmas last year, as an attachment for my Kitchen Aid stand mixer.  I returned it, thinking I’d never have a use for it.  I’m a little lazy, and making my own sausages kind of sounds like a nightmare of effort.  Lol.



I made my own sausage a couple times but my butcher makes the best sausages and they are fairly affordable too...so right there with ya!

BUT - grinding your own burger is a game changer!  I can hardly stomach buying ground beef now.  I grind it medium course and choose the cut and fat content.  the taste is SO much better.  So you may reconsider a grinder for that purpose.


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## Rathog23 (Jul 6, 2019)

Pigs don't care about clocks or chromosomes.


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## daveomak (Jul 6, 2019)

Rathog23, why do you have your profile blocked, so it can't be seen by all ???


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## gmc2003 (Jul 6, 2019)

Is it blocked or not filled in Dave? I see he's listed as male and his post count, like count and join up date.

Chris


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## daveomak (Jul 6, 2019)




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## gmc2003 (Jul 6, 2019)

It shows up for me. I'm on my chromebook so I can't take a screen shot.

Chris


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## noboundaries (Jul 6, 2019)

Deleted post. Saw an S-met quote I didn't copy. I think my fingers have a mind of their own.


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## daveomak (Jul 6, 2019)

gmc2003 said:


> It shows up for me. I'm on my chromebook so I can't take a screen shot.
> 
> Chris



Evidently one can selectively exclude or include members from viewing their profile..  
IMO, if you belong to this forum, your profile should be available to be viewed..  If you have something to hide, go somewhere else...


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## johnmeyer (Jul 6, 2019)

sandyut said:


> I made my own sausage a couple times but my butcher makes the best sausages and they are fairly affordable too...so right there with ya!
> 
> BUT - grinding your own burger is a game changer!  I can hardly stomach buying ground beef now.  I grind it medium course and choose the cut and fat content.  the taste is SO much better.  So you may reconsider a grinder for that purpose.


I completely agree: the difference between hamburgers made from "ground beef" you get from the supermarket, and hamburgers made from beef you grind yourself is night and day.

As for sausage, a few months back I posted this:

Why Does Sausage Have Casing?

My point in that post is that for many uses, you only need the meat that is inside the casing and therefore, if you want to make your own, you don't need to get a stuffer. For instance, I'm making pizza tonight, and for the sausage, the first thing I'll do is cut open the casing and take out the meat. However, as I describe in that post above, I now realize I can make my own "sausage," but skip the step of stuffing it into casings. I get much better-tasting sausage, and it takes almost no time to create using my KitchenAid stand mixer grinder attachment.


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## seenred (Jul 6, 2019)

PoukieBear - Don’t let the knuckle draggers get you down...it’s a sad thing that chauvinism and misogyny still exists in the 21st century.  Thankfully, most if the male-types around this forum are a bit more enlightened.  And I agree with what some of the other guys said...nobody could blame you if you set those small-minded men straight for not taking you seriously.

Glad you’re here...and welcome!
Red


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## Rathog23 (Jul 6, 2019)

daveomak said:


> Rathog23, why do you have your profile blocked, so it can't be seen by all ???


I didn't know it was blocked. 
I'll have to look the settings over.


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## normanaj (Jul 6, 2019)

If the food's good I couldn't give a $h!t who makes it.The stomach never discriminates!


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## atomicsmoke (Jul 6, 2019)

PoukieBear said:


> I haven't been part of the smoking world for very long, and I just wanted to say to you all, YOU ALL ROCK!
> 
> I've been dealing with a bunch of losers in my local stores, all of them either ignoring me completely, or assuming that I'm shopping for my husband.  Always asking me "What does your husband think?"  "What preference does your husband have?"  "What is he smoking this weekend?"  and so forth.
> 
> I've got NONE of that here, and I really appreciate it!  Thank you for accepting me as one of your own :)


Sorry PoukieBear, but i don't see it your way.

Let me start by saying that i have two daughters and i want them to live in a world that does not limit their opportunities because of their gender.

Currently grilling, smoking, bbq-ing is done mostly by men. They are not better at it than women. Is just the numbers. Admins can do a querry and tell us the % of men here.

The bbq store guys just assumed you shopped for your husband. Many women do (my wife too). Is that sexism? I don't think so. Once you tell them you do the smoking are they condescending? If yes, they do have a problem. 
Ofcourse you get treated like any other fellow smoker here since we all now you are into smoking. Tell the HW store you smoke and i am.pretty sure you'll get treated like any other customer.


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## Workaholic (Jul 8, 2019)

You've got my support.  You keep on smoking.  Glad you found a butcher and supply store you like to deal with.  My oldest daughter has to deal with similar issues in her line of work, as a welder.  Unfortunately for the guys that give her crap, I was in the Navy whe raising her, and she learned from me a lot on how to stand up for herself.  Not to mention several choice expressions that have turned a few of those guys red with embarrassment.  You put those people in their place, and they won't ask those silly questions anymore.


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## Carvendive (Jul 8, 2019)

Ignore them. There will always be preconceived judgments. Humans are humans. (Makes me wonder though, maybe the guy supplying me with food smoking supplies pictures me, back home, doing my thing, with a mental image of Lil' Abner)


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## bbqbrett (Jul 9, 2019)

PoukieBear said:


> I haven't been part of the smoking world for very long, and I just wanted to say to you all, YOU ALL ROCK!
> 
> I've been dealing with a bunch of losers in my local stores, all of them either ignoring me completely, or assuming that I'm shopping for my husband.  Always asking me "What does your husband think?"  "What preference does your husband have?"  "What is he smoking this weekend?"  and so forth.
> 
> I've got NONE of that here, and I really appreciate it!  Thank you for accepting me as one of your own :)



That is annoying I am sure.  Take heart though as more women seem to be getting into smoking so hopefully those perceptions will change.  

When I first started getting into smoking I really didn't know what I was doing but I had pretty much the opposite happen a couple of times when I was out looking at smokers and shopping for supplies and such.  Ran into some women in the store who were asking me questions as nobody that worked there was around.  They must have assumed since I was a guy I knew what I was doing.  At the time I couldn't help them much but I did tell them to come check this site out.


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## atomicsmoke (Jul 9, 2019)

"They must have assumed since I was a guy I knew what I was doing."
---
Reverse sexism.


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## chopsaw (Jul 9, 2019)

Not afraid to use it in her favor . I agree Zip . Please get rid of this .


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## 6GRILLZNTN (Jul 9, 2019)

If I treated a female customer that way, I can GUARANTEE my mother would somehow find out about it, and I would hear about it for days.  Growing up, the grocers and butchers always knew who to talk to, and it wasn't my father.


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## pineywoods (Jul 9, 2019)

I happen to know some of our female members are not treated like men on this site by some people and I'm sure in stores as well.
Let's keep the comments decent and not insult others


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## WI_GameMeats (Jul 17, 2019)

oddegan said:


> I think most of us fellas here would say we learned at least half of our techniques from our mothers. I know I sure did. I wouldn't know anything about prep work without her. You do you Poukiebear. Glad to have you here.



I would 100% agree my friend.


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## HalfSmoked (Jul 22, 2019)

Sorry for such a late reply but I see a lot of great comments here to you and some not so great. What I can say is don't give in to this type of nonsense stand your ground you are a customer and for that they should be glad. What ever thoughts they have about you should be done in the back room in silence with their self. A customer is first and foremost in the success of any business without them you would not be in business.

Warren


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## HalfSmoked (Jul 23, 2019)

PoukieBear Thanks for the like it is appreciated.

I don't get this gender thing and there is a post again this morning that brings it up. Why??? People are people a cook is a cook so what does gender have to do with it?

Warren


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## PoukieBear (Jul 23, 2019)

Well, to be fair, this hobby is mostly a sausage fest (pun intended).  LOL  But it's always a little shocking when it's you personally being affected.  I'm a great cook, and no one questions it when I browse through any kitchen department in any store.
But browsing the BBQ section?...I totally must be lost...

A few of my other girlfriends get this all the time too.  One is a mechanic, and the other is a tool and die maker.


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## bluewhisper (Jul 23, 2019)

So PB, what's your cooking background?

We're all smokers/grillers here. I'm a corn-fed chilehead, camp cook and former restaurant prep cook.


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## PoukieBear (Jul 23, 2019)

bluewhisper said:


> So PB, what's your cooking background?
> 
> We're all smokers/grillers here. I'm a corn-fed chilehead, camp cook and former restaurant prep cook.



I'm a baker, through and through.  :)

I grew up in farm country, with no babysitter or daycare available.  To keep us occupied during the summer, our daily chore was to bake something.  My dad would bring home something every day for us to bake up into something the next day.
Apples, berries, zucchinis, peaches, fresh cream and butter...the list is endless.  My mother taught us the basics of baking pies and cakes and muffins and tarts, everything under the sun!  Then she left the rest up to us.  We started entering baking contests at local fairs, and always came in the top 3.  Which always made the little old grannies mad, being beating by a 9 and 11 year old little girls.  teehee

Fall brought in more vegetables than we could handle, so we started canning and preserving.  The only things I can now though are peaches, bread and butter pickles, and some strawberry jam.  The rest is just so much work!

To this day, I can still bake an award winning cake, blindfolded.  Let me see if I can load some pics.










































The only BBQ'ing that was done at our house was always way over cooked, and not even chewable.  My parents thought that chicken needed to be cooked for at least 3 hours.  Pork chops should be black, and god forbid a steak have any trace of pink left in it!  Thankfully I didn't pick up on an of those terrible lessons.


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## HalfSmoked (Jul 23, 2019)

Dang now you show all those goodies and my birthday was last month.  

Warren


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## noboundaries (Jul 23, 2019)

What a fantastic post!


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## PoukieBear (Jul 23, 2019)

HalfSmoked said:


> Dang now you show all those goodies and my birthday was last month.
> 
> Warren



LOL, so Sorry!  Happy belated birthday!!
These are just the tip of the iceberg, and only the ones that I had uploaded to Flickr.  I'll flood you guys with more pics at a later time :)


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## HalfSmoked (Jul 23, 2019)

Awesome my mom was a great baker also. (by the way the old man was 76 on his birthday) Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Warren


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## SecondHandSmoker (Jul 23, 2019)

WOW PoukieBear!!

Those cakes are gorgeous.  

Now, please excuse me while I go check my blood sugar level.


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## bbqbrett (Jul 23, 2019)

Wow Poukie those baked goods look incredible!  If they taste as good as they look they must be awesome!


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## ofelles (Jul 23, 2019)

Damn.  I want me some of that.  One of my Granddaughters looked to go pro as a baker for a while.  decided to much competition and little reward unless you are top tier.
Find job just keep baking, grilling, and smoking.  Your husband is a lucky man


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## meatallica (Jul 23, 2019)

I'm celebrating the BIG 5-0 next month!!.. Could you jam one of the beautiful cakes in an oversized envelope and ship it to the Mid- Atlantic??


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## bluewhisper (Jul 23, 2019)

Hey PB do you ever wander into a chocolate/pepper combination with the baking? Something like brownies or fudge. 

You could challenge guys. Bake some innocent-looking cookies with some slow-to-hit pepper like habaneros or ghosts. Watch the guys take a bite and say "These aren't hot" while you silently count to 30.


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## PoukieBear (Jul 23, 2019)

bluewhisper said:


> Hey PB do you ever wander into a chocolate/pepper combination with the baking? Something like brownies or fudge.
> 
> You could challenge guys. Bake some innocent-looking cookies with some slow-to-hit pepper like habaneros or ghosts. Watch the guys take a bite and say "These aren't hot" while you silently count to 30.



I haven’t tried that yet.  I’ve only tried a “hot” chocolate bar once in a fancy chocolate store.  It was definitely tasty!  Although it wasn’t something i considered doing myself.

I’m doing a big party in a couple of weekends, I’ll consider doing this and see how people react.


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## johnmeyer (Jul 23, 2019)

Those pictures cannot possibly be real. Nothing can look that good. 

All I can say is that same thing others have already said: "Wow!!"


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## 6GRILLZNTN (Jul 23, 2019)

Those look incredible Poukie.  I need try dessert one of these days.  I have a bad habit of going into a major food coma inhaling the main course after it comes off the grill, or smoker!


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## bluewhisper (Jul 24, 2019)

I confess that my baking addiction was started with the gateway drug, Jiffy  cornbread mix. So easy to make that it's fool proof, and fools have proven it.

Now I make savory cornbreads or even just simple pop-open biscuits, and none of my male friends do any kind of baking at all. 

I don't like the term "womens' work" because it suggests that it is beneath a man's dignity to perform tasks like cooking or cleaning.   The flip side of that is the origin of this thread, complaining about the assumption that it's above any woman's capability to run a smoker.

For a bit of humor, there is the saying: "Men will cook when danger is involved."


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## HalfSmoked (Jul 24, 2019)

Thanks for the like PoukieBear it is appreciated.

Warren


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