# More... There's Always More !



## sawhorseray (Jan 14, 2022)

Retirement Options:

You can retire to Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park three blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your rear-end from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for four hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door at 500 degrees.

6. The four seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

-OR-

You can retire to California where…

1. You make over $450,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

5. The four seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud and Drought.

-OR-

You can retire to New York City where…

1 You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature.”

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multilingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car.)

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression

-OR-

You can retire to Minnesota where…

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup

2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.

3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

-OR-

You can retire to The Deep South where.

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2 "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin " is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has two first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either: "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder. ”

6. You can say anything about anyone, as long as you say "Bless his heart” at the end!

-OR-

You can move to Colorado where…

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail .

-OR-

You can retire to Nebraska or Kansas where…

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end every sentence with a preposition; "Where's my coat at?”

-OR-

FINALLY you can retire to Florida where…

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind - even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people


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## Smokin' in AZ (Jan 15, 2022)

Them there is some goodun's Ray!  

Thanks for the laugh.

For some reason the fireman one was the best...

John


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## yankee2bbq (Jan 15, 2022)

Love em all!!


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## sawhorseray (Jan 15, 2022)

Smokin' in AZ said:


> Them there is some goodun's Ray!  Thanks for the laugh. For some reason the fireman one was the best...
> John



I liked Santa at the liquor store the most John!


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## bauchjw (Jan 15, 2022)

Those are so funny! I can even pick one out, but I have to vote for the scented candle of 2021!


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## Brokenhandle (Jan 15, 2022)

Loved em all Ray! Probably laughed the hardest at the gear shift diagram!  And Iowa fits in with Nebraska and Kansas...guess that makes me an "International Harvester " !

Ryan


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## MJB05615 (Jan 15, 2022)

Loved them all Ray! The first ones with the comparisons are great, but the shift diagram is hilarious.  I know a few people that could use that, lol.


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## Fueling Around (Jan 15, 2022)

sawhorseray said:


> Retirement Options:
> *...*
> You can retire to Minnesota where…
> 
> ...


What the heck is a casserole?
Search, Oh.
A hotdish without the "You betcha!"


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## GaryHibbert (Jan 15, 2022)

Those were GREAT, Ray.  
Loved the Bear/Alien, the Klan Meeting, and the Canuck Conversion Chart.
Gary


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## Bearcarver (Jan 15, 2022)

Another Great Batch, Ray!!
Spanx!

Bear


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## one eyed jack (Jan 15, 2022)

All good!!  Thanks for the laughs Ray.


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## DRKsmoking (Jan 15, 2022)

Ha Ha Ray
Thanks for the Canadian Temp. Guide

David


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## bigfurmn (Jan 15, 2022)

I noticed a few shots at Minnesota at the beginning there. Also hell freezing over has nothing to do with the Maple Leafs. The Vikings winning the super bowl… THAT is hell freezing over.


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## one eyed jack (Jan 15, 2022)

A bunch of good ones.

Legless snowman was a standout for me.  

Thanks Ray.


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## BXMurphy (Feb 2, 2022)

The telescope one almost killed me. I died with the give me a coffee and five million bucks one.

So true, isn't it?

Thanks!


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