# Friday



## ofelles (Nov 12, 2021)

*A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor was looking through these his
eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely nothing in these that could possibly help you sleep!"
She reached out and patted the young doctor's knee and said, "Yes, dear, I know that. But every morning, I grind one up and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16-year-old Granddaughter drinks. And believe me it definitely helps me sleep at night."
You gotta love Grandmas!*

*A man was riding on a full bus minding his own business when the gorgeous woman next to him started to breast-feed her baby.  The baby wouldn't take it so she said, "Come on sweetie, eat it all up or I'll have to give it to this nice man next to us." 
Five minutes later the baby was still not feeding, so she said, "Come on, honey.  Take it or I'll give it to this nice man here."  A few minutes later the anxious man blurted out, "Come on kid.  Make up your mind!  I was supposed to get off four stops ago!"*

*Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.  The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.'  The question was worth 70 points or none at all.  One student was hard put to think of seven advantages.  He wrote:
1) It is perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to mother and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed
And then the student was stuck. Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers and it's high enough off the ground where the cat can't get it.
He got an A+.*

*A woman and her 12-year-old son were riding in a taxi in Detroit.  It was raining and all the prostitutes were standing under awnings.
"Mom," said the boy, "what are all those women doing?"
"They're waiting for their husbands to get off work," she replied
The taxi driver turns around and says, "Geez lady, why don't you tell him the truth? They're hookers, boy! They have sex with men for money."
The little boy's eyes get wide and he says, "Is that true Mom?"
His mother, glaring hard at the driver, answers "Yes."
After a few minutes the kid asks, "Mom, if those women have babies, what happens to them?"
She said, "Most of them become taxi drivers."*

*An elderly, but hardy cattleman from Texas once told a young female neighbor that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal each morning.  She did this religiously and lived to the ripe old age of 103.  She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 21 great-grandchildren, five great-great-grandchildren and a 40-foot HOLE where the crematorium used to be.*


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## JLeonard (Nov 12, 2021)

LOL! Cant pick a best one they are all great!
Jim


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## sawhorseray (Nov 12, 2021)

Love 'em! RAY


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## SecondHandSmoker (Nov 12, 2021)

Thanks for grins.


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## Brokenhandle (Nov 12, 2021)

Those are great! Thank you!

Ryan


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## 912smoker (Nov 12, 2021)

Love em all


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## Sowsage (Nov 12, 2021)




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## pushok2018 (Nov 12, 2021)

This is what I needed for Friday!!!


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## schlotz (Nov 12, 2021)

The last one still has me ROTF!


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## MJB05615 (Nov 12, 2021)

Those were all really good ones!  The Taxi driver was exceptional.  Thanks for these, great way to start the weekend.


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## yankee2bbq (Nov 12, 2021)

Thank you for the laughs!!!! Love em!!


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## bauchjw (Nov 12, 2021)

Ha! Thank you! I needed the levity after this week!


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## Bearcarver (Nov 13, 2021)

I'll add my "LOL" to these too, Ofelles!!

Bear


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## noboundaries (Nov 13, 2021)

I need to ride the bus more often!


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## GaryHibbert (Nov 14, 2021)

Love the "taxi drivers" joke.  That's fast and funny.
Gary


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## Lallyjames (Sep 14, 2022)

ofelles said:


> *A doctor that had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for most of her life finally retired.  At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.  As the doctor was looking through these his
> eyes grew wide as he realized Grandma had a prescription for birth control pills.
> "Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are birth control pills?"
> "Yes, they help me sleep at night."
> ...


that is awsome man


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## HalfSmoked (Sep 14, 2022)

All are awesome no way to pick a favorite,

Warren


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## GaryHibbert (Sep 14, 2022)

Those were really when you originally posted them, but each of the 3 had me laughing out loud again as I read them tonight.
Gary


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