For the men...this means war. (of the words....lol)

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by beerivore, Jun 11, 2007.

  1. Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?


    He had it bronzed.
     
  2. What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?


    A man who told too many blonde jokes.
     
  3. How do men exercise on the beach?


    By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.
     
  4. Why did the man cross the road?


    Who knows why the hell men do anything?
     
  5. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    Actually Piggy I think I started this by posting my emails jokes yesterday and Beerivour had to defend the defenceless ... LOL
     
  6. squeezy

    squeezy Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    [​IMG]
     
  7. You DO notice they are little men, don't ya?

    [​IMG]
     
  8. pigcicles

    pigcicles Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    ... lol, you must have had some mean brothers Lisa.. keep in mind it isn't necessarily the size of a man that matters.. it's how much bacon can he bring home for his woman to cook [​IMG]
     
  9. shortrib

    shortrib Fire Starter

    Guess I'll chime in on this


    THE HUSBAND STORE

    A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City,
    where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
    entrance is a description of how the store operates.

    You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
    attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

    There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular

    floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
    except to exit the building!

    So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
    On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
    Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
    The second floor sign reads:
    Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
    The third floor sign reads:
    Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
    Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
    She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
    Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
    Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it
    Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: .
    Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
    with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
    She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
    Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
    on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
    impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.


    MEANWHILE...
    A New Wives store opened across the street.

    The first floor has wives that love sex.
    The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
    The third through sixth floors have never been visited....
     
  10. shortrib

    shortrib Fire Starter

    Ok, One more then I'll take what's coming [​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]

    It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
    1. a friend
    2. a companion
    3. a lover
    4. a brother
    5. a father
    6. a master
    7. a chef
    8. an electrician
    9. a carpenter
    10. a plumber
    11. a mechanic
    12. a decorator
    13. a stylist
    14. a sexologist
    15. a gynecologist
    16. a psychologist
    17. a pest exterminator
    18. a psychiatrist
    19. a healer

    20. a good listener
    21. an organizer
    22. a good father
    23. very clean
    24. sympathetic
    25. athletic
    26. warm
    27. attentive
    28. gallant
    29. intelligent
    30. funny
    31. creative
    32. tender
    33. strong
    34. understanding
    35. tolerant
    36. prudent
    37. ambitious
    38. capable
    39. courageous
    40. determined
    41. true
    42. dependable
    43. passionate
    44. compassionate
    WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
    45. give her compliments regularly
    46. love shopping
    47. be honest
    48. be very rich
    49. not stress her out
    50. not look at other girls
    AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

    51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for yourself
    52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
    53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
    IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
    54. Never to forget:
    * birthdays
    * anniversaries
    * arrangements she makes



    HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
    1. Show up naked
    2. Bring Beer
     
  11. squeezy

    squeezy Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I'm crushed ... you mean size does count! [​IMG]
     
  12. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    I resemble that remark! [​IMG]
     
  13. oh Lordy [​IMG]




    [​IMG]
     
  14. crownovercoke

    crownovercoke Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    how does a woman screw in a lightbulb?

    She complains untill the man hangs himself.

    Then how does she screw in a lightbulb????

    She holds it and expects the world to revolve around her!!!!
     
  15. where have you been??

    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]
     
  16. How can you tell when a man is well hung?


    When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.


    [​IMG]



    [​IMG]
     
  17. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    OOOOOOOOOOOOOwwwwwwww SA LAP!


    She's good! ROFLMAO!
     
  18. crownovercoke

    crownovercoke Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    WOW!!! Bitter table for one!
     
  19. crownovercoke

    crownovercoke Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    A man found a magic lamp and rubbed it. A very old genie came out and said "I am very old and very tired I will grant you one wish"
    The man said "fair enough. I would like a personal highway to Hawaii. I am very afraid to fly so I want to be able to drive there..."

    The genie said "that would take a lot of work and time, That would almost drain all my power. Can you think of something else that you would want?"

    The man stopped and thought. Then says "OK I want to know how to please a woman. What makes them tick."

    The Genie is motionless. Then says "How many lanes do you want on your highway?"
     
  20. crownovercoke

    crownovercoke Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    You asked for it!

    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes????

    Nothing shes already been told twice!

    [​IMG]

    I swore I wouldnt tell that joke again....[​IMG]

    No really I love all women of shapes and sizes...Well not all shapes...And not really all sizes either...Hmmm
     

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