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Discussion in 'Jokes' started by beerivore, Jun 11, 2007.
Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.
What's black and blue and lying in a ditch?
A man who told too many blonde jokes.
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach everytime they see a bikini.
Why did the man cross the road?
Who knows why the hell men do anything?
Actually Piggy I think I started this by posting my emails jokes yesterday and Beerivour had to defend the defenceless ... LOL
You DO notice they are little men, don't ya?
... lol, you must have had some mean brothers Lisa.. keep in mind it isn't necessarily the size of a man that matters.. it's how much bacon can he bring home for his woman to cook
Guess I'll chime in on this
THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the
entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the
attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular
floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down
except to exit the building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.
Wow, she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
Oh, mercy me! she exclaims, I can hardly stand it
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: .
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help
with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men
on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are
impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
A New Wives store opened across the street.
The first floor has wives that love sex.
The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.
The third through sixth floors have never been visited....
Ok, One more then I'll take what's coming
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring Beer
I'm crushed ... you mean size does count!
I resemble that remark!
how does a woman screw in a lightbulb?
She complains untill the man hangs himself.
Then how does she screw in a lightbulb????
She holds it and expects the world to revolve around her!!!!
where have you been??
How can you tell when a man is well hung?
When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOwwwwwwww SA LAP!
She's good! ROFLMAO!
WOW!!! Bitter table for one!
A man found a magic lamp and rubbed it. A very old genie came out and said "I am very old and very tired I will grant you one wish"
The man said "fair enough. I would like a personal highway to Hawaii. I am very afraid to fly so I want to be able to drive there..."
The genie said "that would take a lot of work and time, That would almost drain all my power. Can you think of something else that you would want?"
The man stopped and thought. Then says "OK I want to know how to please a woman. What makes them tick."
The Genie is motionless. Then says "How many lanes do you want on your highway?"
You asked for it!
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes????
Nothing shes already been told twice!
I swore I wouldnt tell that joke again....
No really I love all women of shapes and sizes...Well not all shapes...And not really all sizes either...Hmmm