Are You a Republican, Democrat, or Southerner?

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by darrin, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. darrin

    darrin Meat Mopper

    [font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica]Are You a Republican, Democrat, or Southerner?
    The answer can be found by answering the following question:

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children.
    Suddenly, an Islamic Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Glock .40 calibre, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
    What do you do?

    Republican's Answer
    :
    BANG!

    Democrat's Answer:
    Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
    Does the man look poor or oppressed?
    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
    Could we run away?
    What does my wife think?
    What about the kids?
    Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
    What does the law say about this situation?
    Does the Glock have appropriate safety built into it?
    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
    Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
    Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
    If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family=2 0get away while he was stabbing me?
    Should I call 9-1-1?
    Why is this street so deserted?
    We need to raise taxes, have paint and weed day and make this happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
    This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

    Southerner's Answer
    :
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
    BANG! Click "Damn! I'm out!"
    Daughter: "Nice pattern Daddy! Were those the Silver Tips, black talons, or them new Hollow Points?"
    Son: "Can I shoot the next one Daddy?"
    Wife: "You ain't takin' THAT to no Taxidermist!"
    [/font]
     
  2. txbbqman

    txbbqman Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

    Southerner here and proud of it
     
  3. mofo

    mofo Meat Mopper

    I liked it...
    MoFo
     
  4. meat hunter

    meat hunter Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Now thats funny right there. All this time, I thought I was a Republican, but according to this post, I'm actually a Southerner whos living in Minnesota.[​IMG][​IMG][​IMG][​IMG]
     
  5. I'm 100 Per cent Southern gun carrying boy.but conservative.
     
  6. davidmcg

    davidmcg Meat Mopper

    Definitely not a Dem or Repub in any sense, but not a Southerner in this sense. I wouldn't waste ammo on them. Aim for the torso until they stop. A Glock 22 will put them down, much better choice than a 9MM, might pass through and not do enough damage, hence a full magazine. Better choice .45ACP Best all around man stoping cartridge ever made. 44 magnum is overkill and not enough people can deal with the recoil.

    But, in this sense I am definitely a SOUTHERNER!
     
  7. blacklab

    blacklab Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    X2 except WA ST
     
  8. 2cycle

    2cycle Fire Starter

    Ditto, what he said.

    I can kill a cat at night under the stars at 30yrds. 'magine what I can do in the daylite.


    Greg
     
  9. rsands

    rsands Smoke Blower

    I 'magine you can smoke em! (pun intended, but jk) [​IMG]
     
  10. m1tanker78

    m1tanker78 Meat Mopper

    LOL, nice one Darrin. Personally, in this situation I'm the following (in this specific order):......

    1. Texan
    2. Conservative
    3. Southerner

    I guess I could've stopped at "Texan" but what the hell!

    Tom
     
  11. Thats got to be the best joke I've heard in a long time.
    I'm a registered rebublican, but if Southerner was a party, I think I would be atleast VP.

    So, does this make Sarah Palin a southerner?
     
  12. fired up

    fired up Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    I would shoot him in both knees, take his knife away, kick the holy crap out of him repeatedly until he passed out, use his own knife to cut his head off and spike his head on top of the US Capitol building. Then I would take the family out for ice cream and pie.
     

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