Archery...It's for kids

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by bbq engineer, Apr 30, 2009.

  1. bbq engineer

    bbq engineer Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I got this story via email today...I thought it was funny, and it reminds me of my know, shooting tonka trucks across the patio with an Estes dry fuel rocket engine, with a small tube of gasoline and red dot shot shell reloading powder attached to a fuse. It ended up in a massive fireball, but boy was it cool. What...You mean you didn't do that?

    Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little badass compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our place sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough sumbich.

    That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazzard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up Tshirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place. Keep in mind this was 99.999% humidity swamp land so there really wasn't any fire danger. I'll put it this way - a set of post hole diggers and a 3ft. hole and you had yourself a well.

    Anyway, one summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I look over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (ether). The light bulb went off. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner . . . lets face it... to a 10 yr. old mouth-breather like myself ether really doesn't "sound" flammable. So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles) to add to the excitement.

    At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the ether can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie...1lb pyrodex and 16oz ether should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know? You know what? Screw that. I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

    I stepped back about 15ft and lit the 2stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH ****! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh. ****.

    When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a crawfish or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this...THE DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE! There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That mother got up and ran off.

    So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback "ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOUR BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE DAMIT CEASE FIRE!!!!! His hat has blown off and is 30 ft. behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000ft over our backyard. There is a Honda 185s 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

    I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know- I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later.... repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR so dad could beat me some more. Bring him back to life so dad can kill him again. Thanks mom.

    One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business. Dad sold his muzzleloaders a week or so later. And I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality either from the blast or the beating. Or both.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery.. Its good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life. Something they won't learn in school.
  2. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    L.M.A.O !!!

  3. afreetrapper

    afreetrapper Fire Starter

    It's been 15 minutes and I ive stopped laughing enough to type. I think I wet myself too. That is just to funny
  4. teacup13

    teacup13 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    omg that was funny
  5. trapper

    trapper Smoke Blower

    My exploding archery experience was much less exciting. I took an aluminum arrow and filled it with black powder. Then I glued a 209 shotgun primer on the end and glued a bb on the face of the primer to act as a firing pin when it struck a solid object. I shot it at a rock but instead of exploding it turned into a rocket and came flying back, luckily a few feet over our heads. I can still hear the "swoosh" sound and that arrow bouncing off of the trees in the woods behind us. On a scale of 1-10 the pucker factor was a 10.
  6. NOW THATS SOME FUNNY ****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. justpassingthru

    justpassingthru Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Awwwww, childhood memories, how did we ever survive; been there, done that, I know exactly what you’re talking about; for us the sky turned blinding white! My best friends brother was about 10 years older than us, he taught us how to make hydrogen gas in a coke bottle from lye and aluminum foil, stuck an extra large balloon over the neck and let her fill to about 24,” soaked some of mom’s thread in lawnmower gas, tied it to the balloon, let it rise about thirty feet, held the thread with needle nose pliers and lit the sucker. We didn’t have any idea what hydrogen gas was; we watched the fire race up the thread, …blinding white light, and the boom….,

    Thanks for the laff and the memories, Gene
  8. I cant stop laughin SUMBICH
  9. cruizer

    cruizer Smoking Fanatic SMF Premier Member

    Oh the memories. We used to shoot 90 lb. anvils. Machine a hole down in the middle of a 120 lb anvil line it with gas pipe small groove to hold a fuse fill with powder and cover with playing cards to avoid a spark when we set the 90 lb anvil on top at a 90 angle upside down. Sometimes we had to pull the anvil out of the ground with a truck after we shot it up. Can hear it for miles rings like a giant bell. Heard that they used this for distress calls way back. [​IMG]
  10. baldeagle7007

    baldeagle7007 Newbie

    we were a lot more patient as kids.....
    we took spokes out of bicycle rims and put gunpowder in the hollow then packed a BB on top of the powder and used a small benzene torch to fire our spoke guns at each other.

    I still have a BB lodged in my left knee.[​IMG]

    It's a wonder we made it out alive.


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