Southern Rules

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by blackhawk19, Nov 11, 2007.

  1. blackhawk19

    blackhawk19 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

    2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked.

    3. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

    4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I- 40 goes east and west, I-55 goes north and south. Pick one.

    5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton pickers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

    6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

    7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

    8. Yeah, we eat catfish &; crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

    9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

    10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

    11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

    12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!

    13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

    14. College and High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

    15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

    16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Universities, and Vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come home for the holidays.

    17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.

    18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers! Refer back to #1!
     
  2. rip

    rip Smoking Fanatic

    Yep, that pretty much covers it. Oh yeah and we say sir and mam!
     
  3. walking dude

    walking dude Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    and take off our hats at the supper table......remove em in front of a lady......pretty much covers it


    d88de
     
  4. coleysmokinbbq

    coleysmokinbbq Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member

    Ditto!...and DOUBLE Ditto!!...[​IMG]
     
  5. homebrew & bbq

    homebrew & bbq Smoking Fanatic

  6. deejaydebi

    deejaydebi Smoking Guru

    And they are good rules too!
     
  7. jm21

    jm21 Newbie

    Hmm...we've got most of those here in the NW, but could use a few more...

    I've heard the sir and ma'am thing a couple times but still don't get it...like, do you say it to older folk, or to everyone, or what? Guess I'd be rude down south [​IMG].
     
  8. chris_harper

    chris_harper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    lol, I have a female friend from New Jersey. When she first moved here, she was tripping because everyone called her "ma'am". She was like, "I am not old" . She told me they only call women over 50 ma'am where she is from. I told her to expect it here; plus all my friends removed their caps when I introduced them to her, and she was surprised by that.
     
  9. walking dude

    walking dude Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member

    in my job......i lay vinyl floors.......i have ALWAYS called my customers sir or mam..........a few would get on me and tell me to call them by their givin name........but i have found thru the years.........you CAN'T go wrong by addressing someone you don't know sir or mam.............now the people i KNOW...........LOOK OUT.........anything from you SOB.......to dirty ol B*stard........ehehehe


    d88de
     
  10. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Good post Blackhawk.[​IMG]
     
  11. Anyone agree with this rule? Down here, if someone offers you food, EAT IT! If it was cooked south of the mason-dixon, I can assure you it will be good. I for one don't care about your diet. Also, the tea is sweet. Thats final.
     

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