Pay special attention to the following rules of PA."
THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!! (AKA City-its)
1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.
3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' I DRIVE A
PICKUP TRUCK BECAUSE I WANT TO. NO
MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS.
DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.
4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY
TO YOU. BUT THEY SMELL LIKE
MONEY TO US. GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST,
I-81 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK
ONE.
5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE
DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.
6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THE CONCEPT.
7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE
COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF
YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE
TIME.
8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH
AFTER 'CATCHIN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY
WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.
9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A
RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE 15TH OF
NOVEMBER.
10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS
OF AGE.
11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR
YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD
AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.
12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS
(INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND
BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH,
YEAH... WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU
FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!
13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
OVER ICE.
14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW
TO SHOOT, DRIVE A TRUCK, AND
HAVE LONG HAIR.
15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE
EAGLES AND THE SIXERS, AND A DANG
SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.
16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
SPOOKS THE FISH.
17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES,
COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS.
THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND
COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT
EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE,
MARINES, & NATIONAL GUARD. AND ARE
BIKERS ARE PATRIOTS AS WELL. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU
WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.
19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T
MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. (Besides, your
going to rattle the paint off that
foreign piece of cheap japanese steel!) REFER BACK TO #1.
20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD - IT'S A FLURRY, SLOW DOWN, KEEP A
DISTANCE FROM THE CAR AHEAD AND DO
NOT STOMP ON YOUR BRAKES. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND
DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND
TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE
YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY
WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE
NEXT DAY.
THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!! (AKA City-its)
1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.
3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' I DRIVE A
PICKUP TRUCK BECAUSE I WANT TO. NO
MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS.
DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.
4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY
TO YOU. BUT THEY SMELL LIKE
MONEY TO US. GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST,
I-81 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK
ONE.
5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE
DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.
6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND
THE CONCEPT.
7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE
COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF
YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE
TIME.
8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH
AFTER 'CATCHIN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY
WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.
9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A
RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE 15TH OF
NOVEMBER.
10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS
OF AGE.
11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR
YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD
AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.
12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS
(INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND
BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH,
YEAH... WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU
FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!
13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
OVER ICE.
14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW
TO SHOOT, DRIVE A TRUCK, AND
HAVE LONG HAIR.
15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE
EAGLES AND THE SIXERS, AND A DANG
SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.
16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
SPOOKS THE FISH.
17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES,
COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS.
THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND
COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT
EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE,
MARINES, & NATIONAL GUARD. AND ARE
BIKERS ARE PATRIOTS AS WELL. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU
WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.
19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T
MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. (Besides, your
going to rattle the paint off that
foreign piece of cheap japanese steel!) REFER BACK TO #1.
20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD - IT'S A FLURRY, SLOW DOWN, KEEP A
DISTANCE FROM THE CAR AHEAD AND DO
NOT STOMP ON YOUR BRAKES. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND
DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND
TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE
YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY
WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE
NEXT DAY.
