Penna. Rules

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by linescum, Mar 6, 2008.

  1. linescum

    linescum Smoking Fanatic OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Pay special attention to the following rules of PA."
    THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
    LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!! (AKA City-its)
    1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.

    2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.

    3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' I DRIVE A
    PICKUP TRUCK BECAUSE I WANT TO. NO
    MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS.
    DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.

    4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY THEY SMELL FUNNY
    TO YOU. BUT THEY SMELL LIKE
    MONEY TO US. GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80 GOES EAST AND WEST,
    I-81 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK
    ONE.

    5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN
    PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE
    DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.

    6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS
    BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND
    THE CONCEPT.

    7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE
    COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF
    YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE
    TIME.

    8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE FRY OUR FISH
    AFTER 'CATCHIN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY
    WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.

    9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A
    RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE 15TH OF
    NOVEMBER.

    10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS
    OF AGE.

    11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU. ORDER STEAK. OR
    YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD
    AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.

    12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS
    (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND
    BREADS. WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP. OH,
    YEAH... WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU
    FOLKS IN JERSEY CALL THAT STUFF YOU EAT... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!!!

    13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED
    OVER ICE.

    14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW
    TO SHOOT, DRIVE A TRUCK, AND
    HAVE LONG HAIR.

    15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE
    EAGLES AND THE SIXERS, AND A DANG
    SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.

    16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER HAZARDS---IT
    SPOOKS THE FISH.

    17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES,
    COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS.
    THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND
    COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT
    EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.

    18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE,
    MARINES, & NATIONAL GUARD. AND ARE
    BIKERS ARE PATRIOTS AS WELL. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU
    WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.

    19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T
    MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT
    TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. (Besides, your
    going to rattle the paint off that
    foreign piece of cheap japanese steel!) REFER BACK TO #1.

    20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD - IT'S A FLURRY, SLOW DOWN, KEEP A
    DISTANCE FROM THE CAR AHEAD AND DO
    NOT STOMP ON YOUR BRAKES. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND
    DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD, MILK, AND
    TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE
    YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY
    WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE
    NEXT DAY.
     
  2. psychobrew

    psychobrew Smoke Blower

    4 inches of snow? It would take Penndot a week to clear that!!

    OK, they have gotten a little better over the last couple of years. Once upon a time though, I don't think they'd even bother plowing a measly 4 inches. At least not in south central PA.
     
  3. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    There you go! Damn I miss the old days when rednecks ruled and girls was girls and the only reason your pants was down around yer knees was cause you was changin em!
     
  4. richtee

    richtee Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Remarkably close to Michigan rules... 'Cept we don't associate with Joisy folk. LOL!
     
  5. desertlites

    desertlites Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Damn I miss the old days when rednecks ruled and girls was girls and the only reason your pants was down around yer knees was cause you was changin em! I don't know bout you but mine were down around my knees for other reasons-hehe.
     
  6. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Alright, two things then, well actually three comes to mind right away![​IMG]
     
  7. shellbellc

    shellbellc Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Not true!!! Our trout goes in the smoker!

    Heck, we barely need a bait shop round here, we have soda machine like things that you can stop and get minnows, worms, night crawlers, mealy worms, and the like! I guess they're refrigerated and the "product" is in styrofoam containers...
     

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