Paraprosdokians to brighten your day

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by scarbelly, Jan 13, 2012.

  1. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    [font=Times, Times New Roman]Paraprosdokians

    Definition of paraprosdokians: "Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation."
    "Where there's a will, I want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
    Ok, so now let's enjoy a few PARAPROSDOKIANS!
    1. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
    2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
    3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
    5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
    6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
    7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
    8. Evening news is where they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
    9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
    10. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
    11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
    12. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
    13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
    14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
    15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
    16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
    17. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
    18. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
    19. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
    20. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
    21. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
    22. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
    23. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
    24. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
    25. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
    26. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
    27. A diplomat is someone who tells you to go to .... in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
    28. Hospitality is making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
    29. I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
    30. When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
  2. daveomak

    daveomak Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I went to wikipedia to try and figure out how to pronounce that word....I'm still there... no passport....
  3. scarbelly

    scarbelly Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Here Dave


    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    paraprosdokian  ([​IMG]  /pærəprɒsˈdkiən/) is a figure of speech  in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.[1]

    Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning  of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.
  4. venture

    venture Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Where there is a will, there is a lawyer.

    Good luck and good smoking.
  5. whittling chip

    whittling chip Meat Mopper SMF Premier Member


    Syllepsis, also known as semantic zeugma, is a particular type of zeugma in which the clauses disagree in either meaning or grammar. The governing word may change meaning with respect to the other words it modifies. This creates a semantic incongruity that is often humorous. Alternatively, a syllepsis may contain a governing word or phrase that does not agree grammatically with one or more of its distributed terms. This is an intentional construction in which rules of grammar are bent for stylistic effect.

    That hurt my head trying to get my head around it.
  6. Fun post thanks for sharing.
  7. africanmeat

    africanmeat Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    It is a great one thanks
  8. team c

    team c Newbie

    Lmao thanks!

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