medical bloopers

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by cowboyuptex, Jan 7, 2014.

  1. cowboyuptex

    cowboyuptex Fire Starter

    > HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS
    >
    > (Actual writings from hospital charts)
    >
    > 1. The patient refused autopsy.
    >
    > 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
    >
    > 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
    >
    > 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very
    > hot in bed last night.
    >
    > 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    >
    > 6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it
    > disappeared.
    >
    > 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be
    > depressed.
    >
    > 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
    >
    > 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
    >
    > 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but
    > forgetful.
    >
    > 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    >
    > 12. She is numb from her toes down.
    >
    > 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
    >
    > 14. The skin was moist and dry.
    >
    > 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
    >
    > 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
    >
    > 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
    >
    > 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she
    > got a divorce.
    >
    > 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical
    > therapy.
    >
    > 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    >
    > 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
    >
    > 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    >
    > 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
    >
    > 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
    >
    > 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
    >
     

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