Keeping your sanity amidst the insanity

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by gr0uch0, Apr 9, 2017.

  1. Give one or more of these a whirl next time the delusional seem to have taken the upper hand in your world.

    10.  At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on, point a hair dryer at passing cars, and watch them light up their brakes.

    9.  On the memo line of all your checks, write, "For Meth".

    8.  Skip down the street rather than walk, and see how many looks you get.

    7.  With a serious face, order a diet water whenever you go out to eat. 

    6.  Go to an opera and sing along.

    5.  When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won! I Won!"

    4.  When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES--THEY'RE LOOSE!!!!"

    3.  Go to Target, wearing khaki pants and a red polo shirt, and tell folks when they ask for an item's location that they'll need to go to Wal-Mart instead.

    2.  Pick up a box of condoms at the pharmacy, go to the counter, and ask where the fitting room is.

    And if none of those work,

    1.  Go to a department store’s fitting room and sit down, drop your drawers to your ankles and yell out, “Hey, can someone get me a roll of toilet paper??”
  2. Made me laugh   Funny sounds like stuff I do all the time  [​IMG]

  3. Thanks, amigo. As the disarray and ridiculousness marches forward, a little chuckle never hurts.
  4. crankybuzzard

    crankybuzzard Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    My son got a disciplinary action notice at UNM for filling a windex bottle with blue Gatorade and spraying it into his mouth while in biology lab.
  5. That's pretty funny. Bet it pales in comparison to what his pops did in school....
  6. When I was in grad school, my girlfriend worked at K-Mart. Some days I'd walk over to meet her at the end of her shift and we'd walk home together. Or day I got there early so I walked around the store holding an aerosol can of some sort (with the lid on!) and pointing it at things and making hissing noises (that were very realistic). It didn't take long before security had a talk with me...
  7. 😂😂😂
    That's some good stuff!
  8. Those K-Mart folks just don't have a sense of humor, do they??    [​IMG]
  9. crankybuzzard

    crankybuzzard Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Let's just say that I didn't volunteer any of the events that I may, or may not, have been involved in...  Like duct taping a flashlight to the horns of a goat one night, turning it loose on a game management ranch, and then calling the land owner to report a night hunting poacher!  Took him 3 hours to catch up with the poor critter.  He swore he would kill whoever did that to him.  That was in College Station back in 89, I think I'm safe to tell the story now.
  10. crankybuzzard

    crankybuzzard Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    That's a good one!
  11. smokedcaveman

    smokedcaveman Smoke Blower

    I may or may not have done this.

    get four piglets. on the backs, sharpie some numbers. coat liberally with olive oil. release in walmart supercenter.

    the kicker being the numbers - 1, 2, 4, 5
  12. garyhibbert

    garyhibbert Smoking Guru OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    I LIKE that one

  13. bluewhisper

    bluewhisper Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    OK, a puzzler: What's practical about a practical joke?

    It requires at least one practitioner. Practical jokes aren't told, they're performed.

    You know, like putting a rubber band around the sprayer handle on the kitchen sink.

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