How to wash your cat:rated PG

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by grandpajohn, Oct 9, 2009.

  1. How to wash your cat:

    1. Thoroughly clean the toilet and flush twice.
    2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and have
    both the lid and seat lifted.
    3. Obtain the cat and soothe him/her while you carry it toward the bathroom.
    4. In one smooth but rapid movement, put the cat into the toilet, and
    rapidly close BOTH the seat and the lid. (you may need to stand on
    the lid so that the cat cannot escape).
    CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge of
    the toilet especially if you have a split seat, as his/her paws will be
    reaching out for any purchase they can find.
    5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power wash and
    rinse” which I have found to be quite effective.
    6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no
    people between the toilet and the outside door.
    7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can; quickly lift the seat and lid.
    8. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where it
    will dry itself.

    Sincerely,
    The BIG DOG


    PS, This will only work once, DO NOT ever carry the cat toward the bathroom again as the cat will remember like an elephant and fight like a crazed tiger.
     
  2. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    That's horrible! I love cats~

    Still funny as h*** though... [​IMG]
     
  3. eman

    eman Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator OTBS Member

    The toilet is allso a great thing to put out a cat that is on fire.
     
  4. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Here is my brothers method of washing his daughters' cat-

    1. Lure cat into metal critter kennel-don't use the plastic kitty carrier, it won't work.

    2. Place critter kennel in back of wifes' pickem up and drive to the local automated car wash. No point in getting wet when a machine will do the washing for ya and the wife will love ya for getting the truck washed.

    3. Purchase economy car wash (cat don't need no wax) and pull forward. Turn up volume on cd player so ya won't have to listen to a mad cat.

    4. Drive around town to give the cat critter a blow dry. Head for home.

    5. Send the kid out to release the cat from the kennel-have band-aids on hand!
     
  5. alx

    alx Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Have to pass this on to sister[​IMG]
     
  6. chainsaw

    chainsaw Smoking Fanatic

    I can relate-2 cats indoors-they never get bathed (except by themselves)
     
  7. carpetride

    carpetride Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Funny as heck...bet my PitBull wrote the first.
     

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