Here's a few for SMF Ladies...guys too, from my Wife...Chef JimmyJ

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by chef jimmyj, Oct 8, 2011.

  1. chef jimmyj

    chef jimmyj Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator Group Lead OTBS Member


    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    Her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

    Keep reading-they get better


    'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished
    to purchase.

    As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
    television set in her purse.

    'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.

    'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

    and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally..'



    I know I'm not going to understand women..

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

    pour it onto your most intimate part, rip the hair out by the root,

    and still be afraid of a spider.


    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

    'It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and

    He addressed the man,

    'Can you name your wife's favorite flower?'

    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, 'It's
    Pillsbury, isn't it?


    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.

    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.

    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

    She directs him down the correct aisle.

    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball
    of string on the counter.

    She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
    for your wife?

    He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the

    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of

    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo- ooo much cheaper.

    So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... so does she.

    (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton)


    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and

    neither of them wanted to concede their position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'


    A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be

    so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

    'The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

    God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

    The Silent Treatment

    A man and his wife were having some problems at home

    and were giving each other the silent treatment.

    Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to
    wake him

    at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.

    Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote
    on a piece of paper,
    'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.

    The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
    he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his
    wife hadn't wakened him,
    when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

    The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

    {Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests}.

    God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough
    draft before the masterpiece!

    HANDLE IT!!!

    I hope you enjoyed these...JJ
  2. chef jimmyj

    chef jimmyj Smoking Guru Staff Member Moderator Group Lead OTBS Member

    Oh well...I'll have to tell Mrs.J, nobody here has her sense of humor...JJ
  3. bearcarver

    bearcarver Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    First I saw this.

    LOL---Good ones, JJ !!!!  [​IMG]

    Tell the Mrs, "I thought they were Great Jokes, though some may have been true."

    It might be your title---It says it's for the ladies, so most of the guys won't comment.

    I'll start it off.

  4. daveomak

    daveomak Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Mrs. JJ, you have a great sense of humor... Been there... Done that... I didn't realize you knew me..
  5. jrod62

    jrod62 Smoking Guru Group Lead OTBS Member

    To funny.
    I text the wife all of these. She said "funny as he**!!!"
  6. bmudd14474

    bmudd14474 Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    Thumbs Up
  7. appwsmsmkr1

    appwsmsmkr1 Meat Mopper

    The last one made me laugh out loud!
  8. kathrynn

    kathrynn Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Chef Jimmy....just got back online.  Those are great!  I was laughing over in my chair...and the herd was wondering why.....each one got even better.  Love the roll your own!

    Kat (needed the giggle today...tell the Wife...she did great!)
  9. Got a good laugh out of a few of those.  Thanks for sharing.
  10. jirodriguez

    jirodriguez Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    [​IMG]  [​IMG]  [​IMG]

    .... the one about the TV remote in the purse was great! My wife and sister-in-law are gonna love these!

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