For All You Hunters

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by tropics, Mar 26, 2015.

  1. tropics

    tropics Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    [​IMG]  For All You Hunters :)


    WHY WE SHOOT DEER
    Why we shoot deer  in the wild in Saskatchewan. (A letter from someone who wants to remain anonymous, who farms, writes well and actually tried this)

    I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting adeer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer  showed up - 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope.
    The deer  just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer  still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and then received an education.
    The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer  may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.
    That deer  EXPLODED. 
    The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer  is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer  on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

    A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.
    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer  to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand....kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer  bite?

    They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer  would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ...... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer  grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer  bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer  bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

    The proper thing to do when a deer  bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

    It seems like the deer  was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer  (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my final lesson in deer  behavior for the day.

    Deer  will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are s surprisingly sharp ... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal - like a horse - strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.
    Deer  may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down..

    Now, when a deer  paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer  went away.
    So now I know why when people go deer  hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

    All these events are true so help me God... An Educated Farmer.
     
    waterinholebrew likes this.
  2. That is soo funny I almost cant belive it !!!!![​IMG]
     
  3. sota d

    sota d Smoking Fanatic

    Very funny story Tropics. Thanks for posting, David.
     
  4. Good one
     
  5. waterinholebrew

    waterinholebrew Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    :ROTF

    Good one Richie !
     
  6. welshrarebit

    welshrarebit Master of the Pit

    That's funny!
     
  7. tropics

    tropics Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Thanks for the point it took me three tries to read it,almost wee-d myself
     
  8. Now that's some funny stuff. That being said, we had a family friend years back that caught and raised a whitetail deer for several years. He went into the pen with the then 6 point during the rut one day, and was killed by the deer.
     
  9. tropics

    tropics Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    That is sad sorry to hear that.
     
  10. garyhibbert

    garyhibbert Smoking Guru OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Now that is FUNNY!! Damn near peed myself while the tears were running down my cheeks.

    Gary
     
  11. tropics

    tropics Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    My same feelings I still can't read it without [​IMG]
     
  12. garyhibbert

    garyhibbert Smoking Guru OTBS Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    I showed it to Miss Linda, and while she was laughing her head off, she said it sounded like something I would do some weekend while she was away visiting her Dad.  Can't figure out why she would say that, although a few of my "great ideas" did fail to turn out exactly as expected.  Now when she comes home, the first thing she does is check me over for new bruises and fresh wounds.  LOL

    Gary
     
  13. tropics

    tropics Smoking Guru SMF Premier Member ★ Lifetime Premier ★

    Gary That is funny Thanks for the laugh with ya 
     

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