Application to Date my Daughter

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by fireguy, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. fireguy

    fireguy Smoking Fanatic

    APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

    NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement,
    job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.


    NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

    HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

    SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

    BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

    HOME ADDRESS_______________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______

    Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
    Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
    If No, explain: __________________________________________________ ___________
    __________________________________________________ ___________________

    Number of years they have been married ______________________________

    If less than your age, explain
    __________________________________________________ __________________

    __________________________________________________ __________________


    ACCESSORIES SECTION:

    A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No

    B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No

    C. A waterbed? __Yes __No

    D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No

    E. A tattoo? __Yes __No

    F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, __Yes __No
    pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring?

    (IF YOU ANSWERED 'YES' TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION
    AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)



    ESSAY SECTION:

    In 50 words or less, what does 'LATE' mean to you?

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    In 50 words or less, what does 'DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER' mean to you?

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    In 50 words or less, what does 'ABSTINENCE' mean to you?

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    __________________________________________________ ____________


    REFERENCES SECTION:

    Church you attend __________________________________________________ _

    How often you attend ________________________________________________

    When would be the best time to interview your:

    father? _____________

    mother? _____________

    pastor? _____________


    SHORT-ANSWER SECTION:

    Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers
    are confidential.

    A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    C: A woman's place is in the:

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ___________________________

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is:

    __________________________________________________ ____________

    F. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________

    I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO
    THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT,
    NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE
    WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


    __________________________________________________ _______
    Applicant's Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)


    _______________________________ ________________________________
    Mother's Signature Father's Signature

    _______________________________ ________________________________
    Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman

    Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual.
    Please allow four to six years for processing.

    You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since
    you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be
    notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back)


    To prepare yourself, start studying Daddy's Rules for Dating .



     
  2. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I like that!
     
  3. smokebuzz

    smokebuzz Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Back in high school, i went to pick up a girl for our first date, go there and her dad was cleaning a shotgun, not sure if it was intimidation or it just needed cleaning, we ended up talking guns and hunting for a couple hours, date didn't go well, but got a hunting buddy out of it, and hunt with her husband also.

    So, when some guy comes to pick up my dots, i'll do the same, then give this application. got some time till that happens
     
  4. travcoman45

    travcoman45 Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Smokebuzz: Ain't ya doin that backwars?! Your supposed to be the buddy with the father to get the girl ain't ya?[​IMG]
     
  5. smokebuzz

    smokebuzz Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    tried that once, kinda like daten a sister. but did meet a girl at the boat ramps while duck hunting and dated her for s while, still hunt with some of her family.
     
  6. foozer

    foozer Meat Mopper

    Hey Smokebuzz,

    I had kind a the same thing happen. I went to pick her up and her
    dad was in the kitchen sharpening a big long kitchen knife. It was a bit intimidating. He was actually getting ready to roast a hog the next night. I ended up marrying her. It's been 20 years now. He and I got along great. Unfortunately he passed away about 8 years ago.
     
  7. kookie

    kookie Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    thats a good one....funny............
     
  8. dutch

    dutch Smoking Guru Staff Member Administrator Group Lead OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I knew a guy that was a Detail Rep for a Farm/Ranch Supply Company, he sold various castration devices and had mounted one of each item he sold onto a 8 X 4 sheet of plywood. He would take the new fellow that his daughters were going to date out to the garage and show him the "collection" and explain to him what they where. Dad would then invite the lad to point out a device that looked to be the cruelest method of casteration. Dad would then tell then lad "You have sex with my girl or even try to have sex with my girl, I'll hunt you down and use that very device on you. Any Questions?"

    Most guys never asked for a second date!!

    --------------------------------------------------------------
    I was involved in Scouting for 20 years and when my daughters where in high school guys would come to pick up them up for a date and end up having to wait I'd ask them "Are you in Scouts? What's your rank and when will you reach your goal to be an Eagle?
     

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