Again, from the "No Life" category

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by richtee, Dec 4, 2007.

  1. richtee

    richtee Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    From Craigslist:

    Survival Of The Fittest
    Reply to:
    Date: 2007-08-30, 2:03PM

    Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
    Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.
    I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.
    Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
    When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."
    This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
    There can be only one.


    * it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

    Original URL: http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/tpa/409930561.html
     
  2. fatback joe

    fatback joe Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    [​IMG]
     
  3. mavadakin

    mavadakin StickBurners

    Ritchteee...........lmao....try Sara Lee Pies Next..sure Ya Can Find A Way..lol ..............mike
     
  4. geek with fire

    geek with fire Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    awe dude, you are KILLIN'd me! I can actually see you there in your home office performing this little ritual. I'd even be willing to bet vital parts of my anatomy that you've at least thought to yourself "yea, but 2 hands isn't a controlled test. I need to get the rockwell hardness tester out".....don't deny it....you know you have!
     
  5. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    LOL! Good one Richtee!
     
  6. richtee

    richtee Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    <blush> Sigh.
     
  7. mavadakin

    mavadakin StickBurners

    After What Happen To The Lions This Weekend,. Give Greek A Chance Lol.give It The Real Hardness Treatment..lol .mike
     
  8. richtee

    richtee Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    We just din't wanna injure yer tender Minnesody hearts, there Mike. ;{)

    PS: I'm pretty much Lions-free. Matter of fact, I call 'em the "Loins".
     
  9. shellbellc

    shellbellc Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    I actually line them up by color, kind of like a cell phone signal strength indicator. I then eat from the most category until it gets down to the next level. I then eat one of them until even with the next level. I do this all the way down until I have one m&m of each color, then brown goes first, I usually have yellow or blue for last...[​IMG]
     
  10. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Shellbell, that sounds like fun!! LOL!

    I like to lay on the couch on my back, with a bowl of m&ms on the table at my head....I see how many times I can reach into the bowl of m&ms without looking, and get the same color in a row.
    I think 7 is my limit so far.[​IMG]
     
  11. richtee

    richtee Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Awww...dat's CUTE!
     
  12. homebrew & bbq

    homebrew & bbq Smoking Fanatic

    I like the story, Rich.

    Reminds me of a friend of mine who sorts his M&Ms kind of like Shellbell. He was headed off on a week long trip so I gave him about 10 packs of M&Ms for the road... after I had opened them all and re-sorted them so each package had only one color, then resealed them with rubber cement. [​IMG]
     
  13. shellbellc

    shellbellc Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Sick SOB!!! What did he say when he got back??? [​IMG]
     
  14. shellbellc

    shellbellc Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    But the good thing about that is you get to keep starting over!!! Man, if you ever get to 7 again that will be a lot of pressure to get the eighth!!
     
  15. homebrew & bbq

    homebrew & bbq Smoking Fanatic

    He actually thought it was pretty funny. [​IMG]

    Want me to package some for you? [​IMG]
     
  16. cowgirl

    cowgirl Smoking Guru OTBS Member

    Shellbell......thanks for not telling me to get a life.[​IMG]
    Last time I told that story, that's the response I got! lol
     
  17. bustedluckbarbq

    bustedluckbarbq Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I'll never look at m&m's the same again..... you know i gotta try that at least once.... I usually open the bag and pour some in my mouth......
     

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