2012 Candidate For President

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by blacklab, Jul 31, 2009.

  1. blacklab

    blacklab Master of the Pit SMF Premier Member

    Bill Cosby has a great way of distilling things. Looks like he's done it again!
    [​IMG]
    I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.

    HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

    (1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.

    (2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the
    Wal-Mart policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

    (3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

    (4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour). They will be under strict orders not to fire on
    SOUTHBOUND aliens..

    (5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. Neither the president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.

    (6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

    (7) Professional Athletes--Steroids. The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

    (8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

    (9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

    (10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

    (11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

    (12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

    Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes
    GOD BLESS AMERICA

    Bill Cosby
    [​IMG]I'll drink to that [​IMG]
     
  2. beerbelly

    beerbelly Smoke Blower SMF Premier Member

    Got my vote.[​IMG]
     
  3. hemi

    hemi Smoking Fanatic

    Get in line behind me... Hemi..[​IMG]
     
  4. werdwolf

    werdwolf Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Got my vote and a whole lot of people I know. Now if we could get all the SMFrs in all of the staates to run for congress too, so all of your programs would get voted thru without all the BS!

    Can I be in charge of real health care reform?
     
  5. bigtrain74

    bigtrain74 Master of the Pit OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I truly feel that this post shoud have gone into General Discussion and not the joke part of the forum... You honestly have my vote if this was all the case...

    May I also add that the national anthem will ONLY be sung in English.

    Nice post!
     
  6. rivet

    rivet Master of the Pit OTBS Member

    Great Platform! Got my vote.
     
  7. mballi3011

    mballi3011 Smoking Guru OTBS Member SMF Premier Member

    I love it. You have my vote and are there any bumper sticker I'll take a dozen.[​IMG]
     

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